A Rich Symmetry
by PrincessOfGotham
Summary: Judas Ravenwood is a young witch who has come to teach as Snape's assistant at Hogwarts, where she was once a student. Most don't know that she is a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Severus finds himself falling in love with her, just as more secrets unfold. (This is a crossover with Twilight. Severus & Carlisle are not a couple in this story. Sorry for the confusion!)
1. Chapter 1

General Disclaimer: Hogwarts, Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort/Tom Riddle, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Draco Malfoy and anything/anyone else mentioned in this story that has appeared in the Harry Potter series, both book and film, do not belong to nor were created by me.

OC Synopsis: Judas Rose Ravenwood attended Hogwarts between the time Severus Snape and Harry Potter attended. She is a full-blood witch, and was sorted into the House of Slytherin as a student. No one knows at first, but she is a descendant of Salazar Slytherin, through her mother's side. She's not a death eater, nor has she ever dabbled in dark magic. Once she joins the Hogwarts staff as Professor Snape's assistant, she quickly gains the student-founded nickname of "Princess Slytherin" (ironic because of who her great-grandfather was), as the students are amazed at how kind she is, even though her House is know for more stern, cruel personalities. She has nearly waist-length brown hair, a few shades lighter than Snape's, and startling dark green eyes. She is 28 as this story begins.

When the beautiful young woman, too old to be a student, walked into his classroom, he thought she was lost. Partly because he wasn't expecting a young woman and partly because she was dressed like, well, like a muggle. A little on the gothic side, but not enough to look like she belonged at Hogwarts.

"Professor Snape?" she asked.

"Yes?" She smiled and walked toward him.

"I'm you're new assistant," she said. He frowned.

"There must be some mistake, I'm expecting a Mr.," he paused, looking at the paper with the name on it. "Ravenwood."

"It's Ms. actually." she said, holding out her hand to him. "I'm Judas Ravenwood." He was dumbfounded.

"Severus Snape," he answered, shaking her hand briefly.

Judas could tell by looking at him that he was taken aback by her. He'd been expecting a man.

"It's nice to meet you," she said. "I know classes don't start for a few days, but I wanted to come introduce myself." He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know why he was being assigned an assistant, probably because enough students complained about him. And then the name on the resume, Judas Ravenwood. It sounded like a man his age, not a woman ten years his junior.

"Yes, well, I was just getting ready to leave for the night," he said. She nodded.

"Well, it was a pleasure to meet you," she said. She looked up at him and he was startled by the stunning shade of green her eyes were. Not the bright green that Lily pasted onto Harry Potter, but a very deep, true green. He nodded, trying to produce a little smile.

She was stunned a bit by his eyes as well, noting no color at all, only black in the irises.

During the first week of classes, Judas felt the stress of her adjustment. The students were wary of her because she was Snape's assistant, the professors and staff were wary of her because, though she was clearly a very accomplished, intelligent young witch, she didn't quite fit with them either. She wore clothing that leaned toward muggle style and she was very soft spoken and shy. Snape was the only one who would speak to her at first without looking strained.

One of the students accidentally caught the potion they were brewing on fire and in putting it out, Severus had burned his left hand and part of his jacket sleeve. After assigning the student detention for being unobservant, he dismissed class and when to the small sink in the back of the classroom, behind the shelves and shelves of ingredients.

"Professor Snape, are you alright?" Judas followed him.

"Yes, Ms. Ravenwood, just a little burned," he said, his voice caught halfway between irritated and flustered. God, get her out of here, he thought. It wasn't that she bothered him. In fact, she seemed very good at keeping out of his way and actually helping. But he didn't want her to see his arm.

"Let me help you, I'm good at healing," she said.

"I can do it myself," he said, trying to hunch over his hand so she wouldn't see. He turned on the water and it was warm and painful against the burned flesh. She gently pushed him to the side and reached out to turn on the cold. The relief was so sudden and exquisite that he was at a loss to fight her for a moment. She took her wand and pressed the tip to his palm and a cool wave of relief spread through his nerve endings. He sighed audibly.

"See, I am good for something," she joked. He had half a mind to lean his head against her arm and thank her for the relief. But then he heard her gasp and drop her wand, and he realized she'd pulled up his sleeve. When she took her wand away, the relief remained, as she had not only soothed but healed. She stood there, looking at the mark on his arm, the Dark Mark. "Pr-professor Snape, I-I'm sorry, I," she stuttered. He looked down at the tattoo, then to her eyes. She looked terrified.

"Ms. Ravenwood," he called to her.

"Professor, I, I'm sorry I didn't listen, I should've listened." she backed away, bumping into some empty potion bottles, a few falling and breaking. She jumped, frightened.

Before he could call to her, she had left, still muttering apologies as she went.

"Severus was a death-eater," Professor Dumbledore explained. "But when Harry Potter was born and all that happened, he turned spy for us. But, as you know, once the Mark is there, it stays there forever."

"It frightened me, I haven't seen one in a very long time," she said.

"I would imagine for you, seeing that Mark unexpectedly would be very alarming," he remarked.

"God, now he hates me for sure," she said. Dumbledore laughed.

"Dear Judas, he won't hate you. In fact, you're the only staff member who seems to be able to work in close quarters with him and not beg to be transferred," he said.

"I don't mind him, I just try to stay out his way and help when he'll let me," she said.

"Severus is a good man, a difficult man to some, but good. His methods are a bit different, but they seem to work," he said. She nodded. "What do you think of him, Ms. Ravenwood?"

"I don't think I've been here long enough to give a fair opinion," she said.

"I value your opinion, Judas. Everyone else may think you're a very fresh pair of eyes, but I know different," he said. It was true, Dumbledore was the only one who knew about her family, namely her mother's family. Judas Ravenwood was born to Jonas Ravenwood, a pureblood wizard, and Alice Slytherin, not only a pureblood witch, but a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Judas had demanded upon hiring that Dumbledore not tell anyone. She didn't want that name, that reputation tainting how she was viewed by the professors and students.

Judas thought about the question before answering. "I like working with him. He's very good at what he does," she was careful. Because the truth was, she was growing quite fond of him. She hid that little blossoming feeling in a dark closet in her mind, only bringing it out when she was safe and alone. His long, dark hair and black eyes attracted her, his voice like a silken crack of thunder, both frightening and alluring at the same time. He was cold and calculating, but she sensed something else deep within him, something warm and very capable of love. "I wish I knew how he felt about working with me."

"Well, this is also the first time that he hasn't asked for an assistant to be transferred to another class. You must be getting along alright," he said. She nodded, getting up.

"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore, for everything," she said.

"I trust I've set your mind at ease?"

"Yes sir," she answered. He nodded and she left.

Severus sat at the desk in his classroom, grading papers. Judas took a deep breath and walked back into the classroom. He didn't look up right away, but she wasn't so naive to think that he didn't know she was there. But instead of interrupting him, she stood quietly by the window.

He knew she was there, but didn't want to break his concentration until he finished the paper he was working on. She seemed to understand that, standing by the window quietly and patiently. It was one of the things he liked most about her, she didn't interrupt him. She sensed when it was alright to speak and sensed when he didn't want to be disturbed. After a few moments, he sat his quill down.

"Ms. Ravenwood?" he called to her. She turned to him. He watched the slight blush creep into her cheeks.

"Professor Snape," she said, coming to his desk and sitting in the chair in front of it. "I came to apologize. I didn't mean to storm out of here like that." He was, yet again, taken aback by her. No one had ever apologized to him for anything. "It's just that I've never seen one, you know, a Dark Mark, before. Not in person anyway." She lied. The truth meant he would know that which she was trying desperately to hide.

"It's quite alright, Ms. Ravenwood." He said. If she hadn't been so aware of herself at the time, she would've sighed audibly with relief. "Were you frightened you'd found a secret death eater hiding out at Hogwarts?" she saw the hint of a smile on his lips and she smiled, looking down at her hands lying in her lap. Not quite, Professor, not quite, she thought. She looked back up at him through her eyelashes, not flirting, just shyly. It was that very look that always threatened to undo him.

"I don't know, it just caught me off guard," she said. The truth was, though she wasn't afraid of him, she was intimidated. She pretended she wasn't, but she was.

"Did you think I was going to fire you?" he asked. She nodded, giving him that look again. This time, he noted the blush in her cheeks. Surely, it couldn't be a blush of attraction. She was just embarrassed, right?

"Perhaps," she said.

"Not today, Ms. Ravenwood."

This time, it was her turn to get hurt in class. She'd been burned by the steam of a student's potion mix. She was quickly becoming aware that getting burned in potion's class was pretty commonplace. Severus hadn't seen it happen, but when the students cleared out, he saw her, hand wrapped, quickly going to the sink.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, coming to her.

She unwrapped her hand and he saw the red, blistering skin on her palms. He pulled the stool over to the skin and she sat, pale.

"Are you alright, Judas?" he asked. She vaguely noted his use of her first name, nodding.

"I just hate burns," she said. He pushed his sleeves up, taking out his wand.

"I'm not as talented at healing as you are," he commented. He touched the tip of the wand to her palm, just beside where the redness began. Suddenly, a cool rush of relief seeped into her palm.

"Thank you," she said. He quickly did it to the other palm and soon, the cool relief was tingling in both of her palms. He turned the water off and got some of the cooling cream from one of the shelves. He took a little onto his fingers and gently rubbed it, one by one into each of her palms. Her hands were beautiful. He hadn't ever noticed, but they really were. Delicate and soft and beautifully formed. Her physical and facial beauty hadn't escaped him, but he'd never noticed her hands. Rubbing the cream into the palms, all he could think of was how he wanted to press his mouth against the palms, to kiss the tip of each finger.

He managed to pull himself away from this little fantasy, turning his eyes back to her face, watching the color come back into her face, the pain relief washing the gray out of her dark green eyes. As the pain melted away, she became very aware of his touch. His hands were warm, his touch gentle and firm.

"Better?" he asked. She nodded, her eyes meeting his. "You hate burns, Judas, why?"

"Because they hurt," she said. He could tell she didn't want to talk about it, but it made him intensely curious. She could feel his black eyes on her, studying her, almost as if he were trying to see into her. She stood up, pulling back. "Thank you, Professor," she said. Even after watching him massage the cream into her palms and hearing him call her by her first name, she couldn't bring herself to call him Severus.

As she left, walking down the hallway, making her way to her apartment in the castle, she thought of his voice saying her name over and over in her head. His voice was uniquely deep and accented, and hearing the way he said her name made her ache. She felt like a student herself, with a tremendous crush on a professor, instead of an adult attracted to her colleague. He couldn't be more than ten years older than she, and there were couples that definitely went over that time frame. She just couldn't ever see herself making a move, for fear of rejection. It was embarrassing enough to be attracted and have to work around him. It would be worse for him to know and turn her down and have to work around him.

"Why is she so bother by burns?" Severus asked Albus. "When I asked her, she wouldn't tell me. I could tell it bothered her."

"In her third year, one of the other children thought it would be funny for her to go to pick up her cauldron in Potions class, long before you were professor of course, and for it to be steaming hot. Scalded her hands. Thankfully, the professor at the time was able to repair them, but it didn't change how it made her feel."

"I can't imagine that was traumatic enough to set off the reaction she had in class earlier," Severus said.

"You know all too well how cruel children can be to each other," Albus said.

"They were teasing her," Severus frowned. "But she's, what, 25 now-"

"28," Albus corrected.

"28, then. At 28, she seems a bit old to be reliving the past." Albus eyed Severus then.

"That was different, and you know it," Severus said.

"You and Judas are not so unlike each other, Severus, you'd be surprised." Albus sighed. "If I tell you something, you must not say a word to the other staff. She's very sensitive about it."

"What?"

"Judas Ravenwood is the direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Her mother's name is Alice Slytherin." Severus couldn't believe what Albus was telling him.

"Slytherin's granddaughter?" Severus asked.

"Indeed. On her mother's side, many generations down, of course," Albus answered. "She didn't want anyone to know. In school, she was bullied, made fun of because by then, everyone knew Salazar's ideas and concepts. And they all assumed she was just like him." Severus thought of young Judas then, suffering because of her heritage, being outcast and ridiculed for something she couldn't help.

"No one knows?" Severus asked.

"No, she asked me not to tell anyone." Albus answered. I've been working next to Slytherin's true heir the whole time, he thought. He thought of pictures he'd seen of the man who created the House he himself had been sorted into, drawing similarities to Judas. The brown hair, the thin frame. Her dark green eyes, she has his eyes, he thought, astonished.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked. She averted her eyes.

"I didn't think you'd be interested," she lied. Of course he would be, everyone would. A direct descendant of any of the Hogwart Houses namesakes would be interesting material to anyone who attended the school. She closed the book she'd been using to check a student's essay, took off her reading glasses and looked at him. "I learned very young, it's not exactly something to advertise. Salazar Slytherin had and continues to have a reputation, with all of the pureblood ideas and what those very ideas have caused. I don't really want to be associated with that," she said. He thought for a minute.

"Are you pureblood, Judas?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," she answered, a little flustered. "Are you?"

"No, my mother was a witch, but my father was a muggle." She nodded.

"Look, I don't want this hanging over my head. I'd rather the students and the rest of the staff don't know."

"I won't tell them," he said. "I was just curious myself."

Severus nearly audibly gasped when he saw her. She was arranging the potions ingredients on the table at the front of the class, had bewitched the blackboard to show the instructions he'd left the night before. At first, he thought she was wearing her hair over her shoulder in a tail or braid, but when she turned when she heard him approach, he saw that her hair was down completely. Long, to her waist, straight, deeply brown with auburn highlights that shone in the lights of the dungeon.

"Good morning," she said. "Something wrong?" She'd seen the alarm in his expression.

"Your hair," he said. "It's down." He'd said the words before he thought about them, thought about how stupid they made him sound.

"Is that alright?" she asked, honestly wondering if she'd misstepped. She'd always worn her hair back or to the side before.

"Yes, of course," he said, going to his desk. She resumed what she was doing, and he hoped she wouldn't think about that awkward conversation. He wanted to touch her hair, to press his mouth to a lock of the smooth strands, to breath in the scent of her deeply through her hair. He'd never felt quite so affected by the presence of a woman before. He was beginning to dream about her...

He'd entered the Slytherin Prefects bathroom one evening. He carefully locked the door and was immediately confronted with lavender-scented steam. He looked up and saw Judas sitting on the edge of the large tub, more like a large hot tub than anything. She was naked, face away from him so he only saw her back and her bottom. Her long, dark brown hair fell across the smooth, pale skin of her back. She looked over her shoulder and saw him, but wasn't alarmed.

"Severus," she said, dropping down in the tub, the suds floating along the top of the steaming water shielding her from view. "Don't be nervous. We're adults." She said. She turned away from him and he chose to undress himself. She seemed to understand, as she didn't look up until he was settled into the tub as well. He sat in the small nook with her, across from her. "You don't mind lavender, do you?" She asked.

"No," he said simply. She smiled, looking up at him through her lashes.

"You're such a gentleman," she commented. "At least when you're not leering at me from across the classroom." He looked up at her, his jet black eyes wide with mild disbelief and embarrassment. Her eyes caught his and he flushed.

"I'm sorry, Judas," he said. "You're so beautiful." He didn't know why he was admitting it, why he was trying to justify looking at her.

"It's alright. I look at you, too, Severus," she said. "You're so handsome." He winced, embarrassed that she would think he was handsome.

"You're too kind, and quite a bit young for me," he said. She bit her lip, and moved from facing him to sitting beside him. He became very aware that a very naked, flirtatious Judas was sitting next to him.

"I don't think you mean that," she said. She brushed his shoulder-length raven colored hair away, exposing his ear and his throat. "At least, not to deter me." The muscle in his jaw ticked with the extreme amount of self control he was employing not to touch her. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"Only if you expect me to not ravage you if you continue to put your hands on me," he said, turning to look at her. She leaned in to kiss him, her lips soft and warm, her breasts brushing his arm beneath the warm water...

And the worst part was that he would wake up before he met with any relief.

Severus observed her entering the ballroom, alone. Her beauty was overwhelming in the soft light of the ballroom and it made it very hard for him to keep his guard up. You should've just asked her, Severus, she should be on your arm right now, he thought. She walked his way, all long legs and high heels and beauty. He was thankful his normal coat came down to his knees, because she had a very telling effect on him.

"Professor Snape," she said.

"Ms. Ravenwood," he nodded, trying very hard to emit a small smile. He wanted her, god, he wanted her. Her dress, black, came mid-thigh on her bare legs, and the important part of the dress was solid black, with a lace overlay that made up the collar and sleeves. Her heels were black, and she was wearing dark, glittering emeralds in her ears and one on her left middle finger. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a simple french twist, leaving her long, slender neck exposed. And oh, how her green eyes sparkled in the soft light. "Where's your date?" he asked.

"I don't have one," she said. "And yours?" His eyes never left her.

"I don't have one," he said. She looked away, couldn't take how he was staring right into her eyes. It was as if he were trying to read her mind, and she was frightened he might succeed. "Is something wrong, Judas?" She pinched the bridge of her nose between her eyes.

"No, just, beginning of a headache, I guess," she lied. Oh god help me if he can read my thoughts.

But he could, at least, when he tried. It wasn't like he got a steady, constant train of thought. But if he concentrated, he could hear her. He'd sworn that he wouldn't, but lately, his self control when it came to a lot of things had been waning.

Oh god help me if he can read my thoughts, he caught that. Why did I come here at all, why didn't I just ask him? He probably would've said no, but still, it'd shut up this part of my mind. And maybe not, maybe I would've gone on about him anyway. All dark and tall and handsome. Why does he have this effect on me? Oh, god help me if he can hear me. Hasn't said anything about the dress. Maybe it's not as pretty as I thought-

"You look beautiful tonight," Severus said then. She looked up at him, wide-eyed and frightened. It took her a moment to pull it together.

"Th-thank you. You, well, you look good too, handsome," she stumbled over her words. Good going, why don't you go back up to your apartment and hide the rest of the night? Blame it on the headache and get out of here so you can't embarrass yourself any more? "You know, I don't feel so well, I'm going to-" He poured her a glass of water.

"You look pale, sit down a moment," he said. She sat with him. He was pouring into her with his jet black eyes and she felt dreadfully exposed. She wasn't sure if he could read her mind, but she couldn't shake his gaze. Severus, if you're in here, or listening, please stop. Please, it's embarrassing. He then looked back at her and winked. She looked at him, shocked.

"You can hear me," she gasped. She got up then, turning for the door. And at once, Severus felt sorry. He hadn't wanted to frighten her. He got up, following her. She'd nearly made it to the teachers' quarters when she stopped and turned. There he was, only about ten feet from her.

"Judas, I'm sorry," he said.

"I don't know how long you've been doing it, but stop," she said. "If you're reading my thoughts, please stop." Because I'm attracted to you. And sometimes, I think about you. And I don't want you to see that, or hear it, or whatever. He wondered if she meant for him to hear this last part, if maybe she let him hear in her head what she dare not speak. "You're still doing it." she turned, walking away from him.

The next day in potions class, she could hardly meet his eye. She did her work and didn't appear to be flustered or clumsy. She just avoided him. And he didn't try to hear her thoughts anymore. About halfway through the day, he caught her eye and she looked away in a hurry, her cheeks blushing rose pink. He didn't have to read her mind to know what she was thinking. If she was attracted to him like she thought when he was listening the night before, then she had to feel embarrassed in front of him, now that he knew. And then it dawned on him.

Attracted to me?, he thought. He hadn't even really considered what she'd thought, so much as he had just been listening because he could. Attracted to me? He didn't think it was possible. Beautiful, young, intelligent Judas, attracted to him?

Just as classes were finishing and the students were clearing out, she hurriedly gathered her own books into her bag. She needed to get away from him as soon as she could, before he saw anymore, or worse, asked her about what he had already seen.

"Ms. Ravenwood," he called to her just as she was halfway across the classroom. Ten feet, ten feet and I would have been safe, she thought. She took a deep breath and turned, standing with her back straight and meeting his eyes. She might've tried like hell to get away from him, but if he wanted to confront her, she was going to face him properly and not be a coward.

"Yes, Professor Snape," she answered. Her voice was soft but clear.

"A moment, please," he said, leaning against one of the many pillars in his dungeon classroom. She sat her bag down on one of the desks, then folded her arms around her.

"Yes?" she asked, trying very hard to not blush, not let her voice quiver.

"I suppose I frightened you last night," he said. She blushed then, not able to help it. But she stood firm and held his gaze.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about, you see, I had a few drinks before the party and I can't hardly remember-"

"Don't," he said. "Don't lie, Judas." She frowned then.

"I'm not and since when are we on a first name basis?" she asked. He came to her, tall, dark and completely intimidating. She stood firm, even though she wanted to take a step back. There was barely two feet between them. "If I'm lying, then prove it, S-Severus," she dared him, stumbling over his name. Calling him by his first name seemed too intimate, too close when she was desperately trying to keep what barriers she had left firmly between them.

"I don't think you want me to do that," he said. His voice was like silken heat that enveloped her and made her skin warm and tingly.

"I think you're just trying to intimidate me," she countered, turning away. She picked up her bag to leave.

"I can hear your thoughts like a radio when I want to, Judas. Loud and clear." He said. "Why didn't I just ask Severus? He probably would've said no, but still, it'd shut up this part of my mind. And maybe not, maybe I would've gone on about him anyway. All dark and tall and handsome. Why does he have this effect on me-"

"Stop it," she said, her voice practically a growl. She couldn't face him now. At least that's all he heard.

"I hear everything, when I want to," he countered her thought.

"Stop it!" she cried. She turned to him now, flushed and angry. She took a few deep breaths, trying to hold onto composure. "God, what is the point of this? To embarrass me, you think my thoughts are entertaining, my feelings funny? Do you delight in hurting the people around you? Your students are frightened of you, the majority of the staff avoid you. And so it's funny, right? Poor new girl, we'll stick her with Snape and watch her squirm a little. But I've been kind to you, Severus. And so what if I had those thoughts or feelings about you, they are harmless. Would it be so awful to have someone be fond of you, to like you, to be a-attracted to you?" she trailed off, shaking her head. I don't know what I was ever thinking, she finished internally, half hoping that he'd heard that thought. And with that, she turned and left him.

Severus stood there for a few moments, unable to move. She'd admitted it, admitted to liking him, to being attracted. And isn't that what he wanted? He was most certainly attracted to her, and though many would tell you he was incapable of liking anyone, he did like her. A lot. And he'd just driven her away, even more expertly than he had to Lily all those years ago.

Many hours later, he decided to go to her and apologize. What he'd done was wrong. And he hadn't meant to embarrass her. He wasn't sure what he meant to do. Get her attention, see if she was truly attracted to him. He turned up the last staircase to her apartment when he saw her coming out. He watched her from the dark hallway. She didn't notice him, but he saw her, dressed in her warmer clothes and cloak. Where is she going, it's almost night and it's snowing. He followed her discreetly, watched her go to the ground floor. She pulled her gloves on and her hood up as she went outside. He watched her from a window, watched her go right into the forbidden forest. He started after her. She was upset at him and she was going to go into the forbidden forest alone after dark. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let her get hurt.

She already had a tremendous head start and if he wasn't quick, he wouldn't find her at all. He followed her tracks in the snow, which were growing increasingly hard to see.

Finally, he spotted her. She was sitting on a tree stump, her face in her hands. He walked over to her, observing her, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

"Judas?" he said. She jumped, startled. She wiped her eyes, turning her face away.

"I'd like to be alone, please," she said.

"Judas, I'm sorry," She wanted to leave, to be away from him.

"Please go away," she said.

"Judas-"

"I said go!" she screamed at him. He backed away and she stood up.

"Judas, please forgive me, please. I didn't mean any harm."

"Oh bullshit, no harm," she spat. "Then why do it, why read my mind? Why hold it over my head and humiliate me with it?!"

"Because, I, I," he faltered.

"What?" she said searching his eyes. He stood there, feeling helpless at the hands of a woman for the second time in his life. She shook her head, turned to leave him.

"Because I feel the same about you, Judas." She stopped dead in her tracks, her back rigid, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

"How long have you been reading my mind? A week, a month, since I came here?" she asked, still facing away from him.

"I didn't try until the ball, Judas," he said. "Honestly." She turned back to him, her eyes meeting his, conveying that wide, nearly-innocent gaze that drove him mad. He came around in front of her, moving closer to her until they were only standing a couple of feet apart. She wiped her eyes, chewing on her bottom lip. "Please don't cry," he said, coming to her, reaching for her and pulling her to him, wiping a few of the leftover tears away. "Please, I didn't mean to hurt you." His fingers touched her cheek and she was startled. She would've thought his hands would be as chilled as his demeanor, but they were so warm. She looked up and saw how close he was, how close his mouth was. Her emerald eyes caught his jet black eyes and she couldn't hold back any longer. She leaned in and kissed him.

He was so startled that he didn't move, couldn't. Her soft lips pressed to his tenderly, experimentally. She felt that he wasn't kissing back and stopped, pulling back. She went to turn away from him and he grabbed her by her upper arms and pulling her to him, pressing his mouth passionately over hers. His kiss was as warm and inviting as his touch. Her hands gripped the lapels of his coat, pulling his body against hers. He wrapped his arms around her, the breeze wrapping his cloak around both of them.

He broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers.

"I've been trying to get your attention," she said.

"You've had my attention, Judas," he replied.

"I thought you hated me," she paused. He leaned in again, his lips brushing hers.

"Does it feel like I hate you?" She shivered, his voice like the silken strands a spider wraps around it's prey before he devours it. But she let him pull her in, it was too hard not to.

He resumed kissing her. He pulled her flush against him, her body soft and thin and youthfully supple, even through their layers of clothing. She felt his hands slip down over her ass, pressing their torsos together. She gasped.

"I'm sorry," he said, embarrassed.

"I'm not," she breathed. "I want your hands on me."

"I'm almost twice your age," he said.

"10 years older, actually. And I don't care," she dismissed. "It doesn't seem to make you want to stop either."

"I don't think I could if I wanted to," he said. He wrapped an arm around her back and lowered her to the ground, part of his cloak beneath her, the other part wrapped around his back, encasing them. It must've been bewitched because not only did it seal out the wetness of the snow, but also the cold.

The weight of him on top of her felt good. He rained kisses down her throat, jerking the buttons on her coat, sweater and button down open.

"Severus," she breathed, arching into his touch. He slid his hand up her skirt.

"Say my name again," he growled, stroking her through her panties with warm, deft fingers. She flushed deeply pink, her bright emerald eyes smoldering dark with lust.

"Severus," she shuddered. It'd been a long time since he heard a woman sigh his name in the throes of passion.

"You're so wet," he murmured, pushing aside her panties and pressing two fingers into her. She gasped, her hips arching.

"Please," she pleaded softly as he began moving his fingers, fucking her with them. "Oh please." She reached for him, reached for the buckle on the front of his pants. "Please make love to me, please."

"I'd protest to such hasty lovemaking, but you're quite ready," he said, spreading her wetness over her tender opening. She flushed harder, wondering how this fiery lover could be buried within the cold, calculating exterior that drove so many away. He withdrew his fingers and undid his pants.

"I am," she said. She undid the buttons on his jacket, then the vest and shirt underneath, wanting to feel his skin against hers. He allowed her to pull him down on top of her, his hips resting between her spread legs. He guided himself to her opening and held her gaze as he pushed into her. He felt her thighs tense, though not to stop him. She groaned unintelligibly, her back arching off of the ground. He watched her when he could focus, the way she moved and flushed and moaned. It appeared that She wanted this as badly as he did. He couldn't be sure her feelings were quite as developed, but this was a start. And oh, is it a relief, he thought.

"Judas, oh Jude," he groaned, moving within her, sliding back and forth easily in her slick depths. She kept one arm around his back, the other gripping the open edge of his shirt to the side of his chest. Her eyes smoldered ever darker, still green, but deeper. She arched as his rhythm grew faster, harder. He took the bearing of the smooth, pale skin of her throat as an invitation for his mouth. He rained kisses, occasionally running his tongue along the natural dips and rises of the flesh there, nipping at the sides. He felt her fingernails digging into his back and didn't stop her, didn't want to. "I assume I'm doing it right," he joked. He thought he saw the whisper of a smile cross her features, but it may only have been a fleeting shadow. She nodded.

"You feel so good," she shuddered, some of her words slurring. "Please, don't stop, please."

"I won't," he assured her. He felt her pulsing to the edge, and waited until he knew nothing would stop her. He thrust once more, deeply, burying himself entirely, and held still. If she'd been any farther from release, this would have frustrated her, distracted her, delayed her orgasm. But instead, she came, convulsing around his still, trembling body. He watched her, writhing and arching and humping against him, her release taking over her body temporarily. When he couldn't take it any longer, he began moving again, more violently, riding out his own climax. It hit him so acutely that he cried out, his voice echoing throughout the Forest. He slumped onto one elbow, panting. She held him, kissing his neck where it joined his shoulder, her own breath puffing softly against his bare flesh.

"How are we going to get back to the castle without attracting attention now?" she groaned softly.

"Very carefully. Don't worry, Jude," he kissed her temple, holding her. She shivered at the use of the shortened name. She thought they would never move past Professor Snape and Ms. Ravenwood. She also never thought that she would hear such warmth in his voice, nor feel such warmth in his touch. "Close your eyes and hold on to me." She did and felt a rush of air as they apparated. Suddenly, when she opened her eyes again, they were on his bed, in his apartment in the Hogwarts staff quarters. He carefully unwrapped her from him and took off his cloak, hanging it by the door. He drew up his clothing hastily. She observed him check that the door was securely locked. Does he intend to keep me here all night?, she wondered. He turned to her, dressed, but his jacket removed, leaving only his trousers and loosened black button down. She sat up on the edge of his bed, hoping she didn't look too disheveled.

He came to her, kneeling before her. Even in the light of his room, the difference between the darkness of his irises and pupils were indiscernible.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. She was startled.

"Can't you hear my thoughts?" she said.

"I want to hear the words. I want to hear you say them."

"What do you want, Professor?" she asked. He closed his eyes, his hands trailing up the backs of her legs, coming to rest in the creases behind her knees. She shivered again at the warmth of his touch. He leaned down and kissed the tops of her knees, and she couldn't stop her thighs from tensing, wishing for more, even so soon after they'd just made love.

"Stay, Judas," he said softly. He looked back up at her, his eyes hopeful. She nodded, smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

Professor McGonagall was slowly but surely showing the students how to dance. With the Yule ball coming up very soon, it was time to make sure everyone knew how to behave.

"Professor Snape, Ms. Ravenwood," she called to them. Judas looked hesitantly at Severus, but with further beckoning, they both came to the middle of the room. Minerva positioned them for dancing, placing Severus' hand on her side, placing Judas' hand on his upper arm, and folding their other hands together in the air, then began counting off a dance beat. Judas tried to let him lead, and was impressed by the smooth, graceful way he moved with her. Before they knew it, the students were practicing in clumsy circles around them.

Severus pulled her a little closer than Minerva had wanted to show the students, and they relaxed into the stance and movements.

"Relax, Ms. Ravenwood," he said softly. She looked up into his piercing black eyes.

"How am I doing, Professor Snape?" she asked.

"Lovely, when you let me lead," he said. She arched an eyebrow at him, smirking in that very ladylike way.

"Such a gentleman," she said. When the students seemed like they had it enough on their own, they broke off their dance and went back to their classroom.

No sooner than she shut the door behind them that he pinned her to the closed door.

"Funny you should make that gentleman comment," he said rasped, his lips brushing her ear. "Because I keep having very un-gentlemanly thoughts about you." She smiled, leaning into him as he nuzzled her throat.

"What kind of thoughts, Professor?" she asked.

"I want to drag you up to my apartment and have you every way you'll consent to," he said. He nipped her earlobe and she gasped.

"You're making me wet," she groaned. He grabbed her hand and placed it over the front of his pants beneath the jacket he always wore. She felt the thick heat of his erection beneath her hand and suddenly, she wanted him inside her, needed him. "You're so hard," she said, stroking him. She heard the low growl in his throat.

"I want you," he said. "Thank god you're wearing a skirt." He undid his pants. lifting her against the door.

"Severus," she breathed. He entered her in one thick stroke. "Severus, please, oh god," she moaned. She wrapped her arms around his neck, arching into him. He fucked her against the door, his breath panting against her throat.

"Judas, you have to be quiet," he said. She bit down on the inside of her lips, her head falling to his shoulder. He could hear her fighting to contain her pleasure, her body tense with her effort. It was such a turn on to see her fighting her pleasure reactions, only made him feel more potent. She felt her orgasm building and threw her head back against the door. Just as it peaked, he saw her gasp and, still managing to keep her pinned to the door, he covered her mouth with his hand. She moaned against his palm, her body shuddering. At the encouraging reactions her body had to her own orgasm, he found himself lost in his own. He bucked a few more times, forcing himself not to cry out either.

They held each other for a moment, before slowly standing apart, fixing their clothes.

"You are ruthless, Severus Snape," she breathed, leaning against the door frame. She was still flushed, but otherwise looked presentable. He didn't know why, but it turned him on all over again, made him want to mess her up all over again.

"If you're looking for a loving, affectionate man in me, you may have found a lost cause," he countered. She smiled. "What?"

"You don't know your namesakes very well, Severus," she said. He looked at her, suddenly confused. "Judas, St. Judas. He was the patron saint of lost causes." He found it suddenly very hard to be anything but madly in love with her.

Severus stood in the living room of Judas' apartment, waiting for her to finish getting ready.

"Severus, come here a minute," she called to him. He couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He walked back to her bedroom. She stood there, in front of the dresser, wearing the prettiest one-shoulder, floor-length green dress he'd ever seen. It hugged her curves tastefully and complimented her fair skin and dark hair, which was secured into a sleek side-braid that draped over one shoulder, the ends curling loosely.

"You really do look like a princess, Judas," he said, coming up behind her. "You wanted to see me?"

"I thought you might like to see some of these," she said. He looked at the top of the dresser, some very startling pieces of jewelry laid out upon it. Deep green emeralds and polished silver, diamonds and onyx all crafted together into snakes and S shapes. He touched one silver locket with his fingers, feeling the diamonds and emeralds placed into the onyx face. "They belong to my family, the Slytherins. You seemed so interested to find out that's who I am. I thought you might like to see the heirlooms." He nodded, transfixed on the locket.

"This isn't what I think it is," he said.

"It's not the fake and it's not the one Ron Weasley destroyed. This is authentic, but it was never bewitched." she said. He nodded, looking over the other jewels. The Slytherin brooch was pinned the the sash of her dress silver laid against a black silk backing.

"Amazing," he said, touching a bracelet that would wrap around her arm in the fashion of a jeweled snake. She looked at his cuffs, noting the plan silver cuff links. She opened a box, revealing the fine silver cuff links, the faces onyx with true emeralds sent in the middle. She caught his eyes as she took them from the box.

"May I?" she asked. He nodded. She took his wrist and undid the cufflink, placing it carefully in the box where hers had been and replaced it with one of the jeweled ones. He watched her do this to both wrists, her beautiful hands working deftly with the jewelry. He looked at them, his black eyes glittering in the soft light.

"They're beautiful," he remarked. He caught her looking at him and put his arms down.

"I half-forgot I had them," she said. She leaned in, her lips gently brushing over his. "So, you will be my date then, Professor Snape?" she asked playfully.

"Of course, Ms. Ravenwood," he answered. She smelled of lavender and hints of vanilla. "You look stunning, by the way." She smiled.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she winked. Her bright emerald eyes matched her dress perfectly.

"If you don't stop, we're not going to the Yule ball," he said. "I'll be removing that lovely dress and having you all to myself." She stood back, smiling.

"Maybe I'll let you help me out of my dress later," she said. "People are already wondering what we're up to, and not showing up tonight would definitely be more flame to the fire." She put the jewels back into the large black box on her dresser, all the while with him nuzzling her throat, his hands fondling her deliciously through her dress. She looked up and saw them in the mirror, saw how they looked together. Her hair against his, hers a few shades lighter than his, his skin more olive, hers more rosy. But they looked fitting of each other. Their dark clothes and quiet, almost solemn exteriors made them very much alike, but not so much that they could be mistaken for being related. She wondered for a moment, what their child may look like, should they ever have one. But she dismissed the thought as soon as she could, hoping that he hadn't heard it.

To the student's surprise, Professor Snape, most of their most feared Professor, and Ms. Ravenwood, their proclaimed saving grace in his class, danced together. They'd seen them dance at McGonagall's instruction a few days ago, but hadn't thought they would actually come to the ball together and dance.

In years passed, Severus would attend the Yule ball briefly, making an appearance before retreating to his apartment. But tonight, he had Judas, dazzling in green, easily the belle of the ball.

She stood by herself briefly, Severus getting them drinks, when she caught the eye of someone she'd never seen before at Hogwarts. He had long blond hair and pale gray eyes. He was standing next to a woman who she guessed to be his wife, but he was watching her, practically leering at her. She looked away, but not quick enough. He was coming towards her.

"Judas Ravenwood?" the man asked. She turned, smiling pleasantly.

"Yes?" she answered.

"Lucius Malfoy," he held out his hand. She took it, intending to shake it when he brought her hand up to his mouth, pressing a polite, but somehow obscene kiss between her knuckles. She had to make herself not wipe her hand on her dress when he released it. "I'm one of the governors of Hogwarts. This is my wife, Narcissa." Judas shook hands briefly with the woman, who had the same silvery blond hair that her husband had. She was as beautiful as he was handsome, but both in a very vain, forced way.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy," she said. His eyes left hers and for a moment, she thought he was blatantly eyeing her body.

"That brooch, is it authentic?" he asked.

"Y-yes, it was my mother's," she answered. She glanced around and finally saw Severus coming back.

"What was her name?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Your mother. You see, there's a bit of a rumor going around about you and I was curious if it was true." he said. And it dawned on her. Malfoy, Draco's parents.

"And what is that?" she asked.

"Your mother is Alice Slytherin, which makes you-"

"Salazar's direct descendant," she finished. "That is correct." His eyes shone with something caught between lust and greed, Narcissa's with envy.

"Lucius," Severus said, handing her the glass of water he'd brought for her. "I see you've met Judas." Severus' eyes met hers. If you're listening now, he's creeping me out, she thought. He smiled down at her, and she felt his hand on her back, his thumb stroking back and forth, soothingly.

"Yes," Lucius said, looking back and forth between Severus and Judas. "She was just confirming the rumor I heard. Salazar's own granddaughter. Which would make her You-Know-Who's-"

"That's enough, Lucius," Narcissa stopped him. Severus noted Jude's complexion lose it's youthful flush, her jaw clenching at the mention of this particular family member. To be honest, Severus had never really thought of that. Judas was Voldemort's cousin by blood. It was so hard to reconcile sweet, beautiful Judas with that monster.

"-cousin." Lucius finished. He reached out, taking her chin with his thumb and index fingers, tilting her face up. "Has the Slytherin eyes and everything." she backed away from him. Judas was quite shocked to see that Narcissa wasn't concerned about her husband putting his hands on other women.

"Excuse me," she said, turning, leaving them.

"Quite the catch, Severus," Lucius said.

"And quite the friendly welcome you gave her," Severus returned. He then turned to go after Judas.

Salazar was bad enough, she thought. It was hard enough for people to bring that up, but when they started drawing familial lines between her and Voldemort, it made her ill with shame. She was proud of her family and how much they'd overcome, proud of the namesake. You are Lord Voldemort's cousin, Judas, and no one is going to let you escape that, she thought. She downed the tumbler of fire whisky she'd quickly ordered from the staff's refreshments, willing herself to be strong. She leaned on the edge of the railing, standing on the vast balcony, looking out into the hills of England. If the Malfoys are saying any of this in front of their son, then it's only a matter of time-

"Jude." She jumped, whirling around. It was Severus, his long, dark hair moving with the breeze.

"Just getting some air," she said. He looked at the empty glass in her hand, noting the remnants of the amber liquid in the bottom. She looked up at him, feeling the flush of embarrassment join the flush of alcohol consumption in her face.

"Judas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you there to meet them alone," he said.

"It's alright," she said, forcing the tears of shame and tension back. "I just didn't prefer him, looking at me like that." She shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself. He came to her, putting an arm around her.

"You're a beautiful woman," Severus said. "I'm ashamed to admit I looked at you quite often when you weren't paying attention, when you first came here." She smiled.

"That's different," she said, a little of the youthful glow creeping back into her cheeks and sparkling in her eyes. "You had the decency not to leer at me while I was paying attention." She shook her head. "In front of his wife, no less."

"Lucius is obsessed with all things dark and Slytherin," he said. "Obsessed with blood purity and wealth. You have three of those and ties to the fourth."

"I was born into it," she said. "I didn't strive to be any of these things. You can't help your blood. The wealth was passed down with the blood, and the name." Something entered her thoughts, confusing her. "You were a death eater. You're acquaintances with him. But you're not pure blood, are you?" she asked. "I don't bring it up to be rude or condescending, but it is curious."

"I'm half-blood. But after I took the Mark, blood purity didn't matter nearly as much." She thought of the tattoo on his forearm then, the very arm wrapped around her. The Dark Mark, she thought. He was every bit a dark and mysterious man, but he could be so warm, when you got as close to him as Judas had. "Come on, dance with me," he said, guiding her back inside.

Judas stood in front of the dresser, removing her jewelry and placing the sparkling pieces into the black jewelry box. Severus locked the door of her apartment and followed her. He removed his black jacket, leaving the stark white button down. He removed the cuff links and handed them back to her. She took them, placing them into the jewelry box.

"Help me," she said, turning. He began undoing the long line of buttons on the back of her dress, one by one. She could feel his breath on her neck, could feel the gradual loosening of her dress. When the buttons were all undone, he helped her out of the dress, leaving her dressed only in a black strapless bra and matching panties. She reached for her dressing robe. "I hope you're not too disappointed, I'm very tired." She wrapped her arms around him and he kissed her forehead.

"May I sleep here, Judas?" he asked. She nodded.

"I hoped you would."

The next morning, Severus and Judas made love on her bed, naked in the morning sunlight. She held herself up on her hands and knees. He was fucking her from behind, his body behind hers.

"Severus, Severus please," she moaned. He moved inside her in a delicious, but too slow, rhythm. One arm was wrapped around her chest just below her breasts, anchoring her to him, the other hand down between her legs. He fingered her clit, circling it and pressing against it.

"Does that feel good, Judas?" he panted. She nodded, turning her head, pressing her mouth against her upper arm. Of course it felt good, but as always, he'd been holding off her orgasm for almost half an hour. She was right on the edge, but he wouldn't let her come.

"Yes, oh yes, please," she moaned again. She tried to squeeze her thighs together to get more stimulation, but he wouldn't let her. "Oh please, Severus, I can't bear it any longer, please." She tried to press her hand over his, but he seized both of her hands against her chest.

"I would never deny you your pleasure," he rasped. "You know that, Judas."

"You make me crazy," she groaned. She was so hot and bothered that she was moaning with each thrust, with each movement of his fingers. "Please. Please, please, please." She moaned softly. He snickered softly.

"Alright, love, you can come," he said. He let go of her hands and his rhythm picked up. He pinched her clit gently, and she slid a hand down over his, encouraging. And she exploded into her orgasm.

"Severus," she cried. He lost it, as always, at the sound of her moaning his name. She felt him gently bite her shoulder, bucking into her a few more times, finishing himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Judas entered Umbridge's office. She'd always thought of herself as feminine and a lady, but this room, bathed in pink and frilly flowers, plates with bewitched pictures of kittens, made her almost nauseous.

"You wanted to see me, Professor?" she said. Umbridge looked up at her. Judas was dressed to stand out in a room like this, all of her clothing dark green or black in color, her hair brown, hanging stick-straight around her face and shoulders.

"Yes, Ms. Ravenwood," she said, her voice seeming to speak with the same eerie, overwhelming girlishness that the room was done in. "Sit, please." Judas sat in the chair before the woman's desk.

She had a fairly good idea as to what this was about, of course. She'd noticed the marks on student's hands, the words of punishment etched into their skin, heard Minerva ranting about the woman's disciplinary ways and decided to put her unknown talents to use. Severus was one of the few people who knew she was a gifted healer. She'd first noticed the Weasley twins, Fred and George, with the marks on their hands. Much to Severus' disapproval, the twins were her favorite students, and she'd pulled them aside after class one day.

"What'd you do?" she'd asked. They'd feigned not knowing what she was talking about, but in the end, they'd told her. And to their astonishment, she'd laughed. And then, she'd healed their hands.

"I believe you received excellent marks on you evaluation, Ms. Ravenwood," Umbridge began.

"I did," Judas nodded, carefully keeping eye contact with her.

"Do you enjoy your work?" Umbridge asked.

"Yes, I do," Judas answered.

"And Professor Snape, do you enjoy working with him?" It began to dawn on Judas that there were other possible avenues this conversation could take.

"Yes," she said.

"Because some of the staff think you enjoy working for him a little too much," Professor Umbridge smiled sweetly at her, but Jude was baffled.

"I'm sorry? I've missed your meaning, I think," Judas said.

"Some of the staff seem to be under the impression that you and Severus Snape are having an affair," she said.

"I don't think that's anyone's business." Jude said, maintaining her composure.

"Oh, but it is, dear," Umbridge said. "If your feelings for Severus are interfering with your teaching-"

"My feelings? Excuse me, but, he and I both got excellent marks on our evaluations and I've heard no complaints from anyone about our teaching abilities." Judas countered.

"So then you don't deny you're having a relationship with Professor Snape?"

"I will once again reiterate that what I do in my spare time is my business and no one else's. It has not and will not affect my teaching. Pursuant to the Hogwarts Staff Code of Conduct, we've not been affectionate in front of any of the students or staff-"

"This past Yule Ball, you went together, did you not?"

"We're colleagues and are heads of the same House. I didn't have a date and neither did he. Yes, we went together." There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Umbridge called. Judas looked over her shoulder and Severus walked in. She's on about our relationship, she said in her head, hoping he was listening. "Ah yes, Severus, please, join us." He took the seat next to Judas. "Is it true, then? Are you and she having an affair?" Severus turned to Judas, his eyes meeting hers. She shied, looking nervous. She was afraid he would think she'd been talking about it to the staff. But instead, his black eyes lingered, held a warmth that she hadn't expected.

"Yes, it's true," he said, turning about to Umbridge. She looked perturbed at them. "However, we have been very discreet and courteous of the Code of Conduct."

"Well, someone has seen you together because-"

"Who?" he asked.

"It's none of your-"

"I believe it is my business who steals into our private quarters when I am or we are alone," Severus countered. "You see, Professor Umbridge, we've not so much as brushed elbows in front of any staff or students, aside from the Yule Ball, during which we danced appropriately as prescribed by Professor MacGonagall. She used us as models to show the students how to dance, you see. So we were quite fresh on how to dance properly at a school function." Umbridge pursed her lips, looking back and forth between them.

"Very well, but I am listening," she said, "and watching."

"Don't let her get to you," he said later that evening as they settled into his bed.

"She just caught me off guard," Judas said. "And I thought you would be upset with me."

"Why?"

"I thought you might believe her, that I was being indiscreet about us," she said.

"If you were talking about or doing anything indiscreet having to do with us, not only would I know, I wouldn't let you go on about it as she seemed to think," he said.

"She's just vile," she said. "You held your cool quite well."

"She thought she had you. You roused too quickly when she asked you about your feelings," he said.

"You were listening?" she asked.

"Of course, I wanted to make sure you didn't get too flustered," he said.

"I thought she was calling me down there for-"

"Healing? I don't think she's figured out it's you. Which is all the more reason to stop now," he said. She looked at him, her green eyes sharp with her conviction.

"Absolutely not. Students carving punishments into their hands, it's barbaric," she said.

"Nevertheless, she is going to figure out it's you, eventually," he said.

"I refuse to sit by and watch them all scratch the scars open during class and try not to get potion ingredients in them," she said.

Severus sat at the harp, his hands moving, his fingers plucking the strings deftly. She knew he played the harp, knew how beautifully he could recreate a melody from memory. But this melody, this particular song seized her at once. She'd never mentioned the song, because it was a muggle song that she'd only heard played once, at her father's funeral.

Her father, Jonas Ravenwood, though a pureblood wizard, was a muggle's doctor most of his life. Her parents, inspite of who they were, lived in muggle-London. Jonas was a doctor and Alice was a librarian. Jonas had picked up a love of muggle music and this particular song was a slow, melancholy one called Stairway to Heaven.

How does he know it, she wondered, frozen in place. She'd never played the records she'd inherited from her father around him, as she was certain they wouldn't interest him. But he played it, softly and surely, drawing each note perfectly from the harp.

Judas came to him. He played the intro of the song a few times, seamlessly, before she sat down across from him. He played through the intro once more and stopped where the lyrics began. His black eyes met hers and she knew at once how he knew the song. He's heard it in my mind, she thought.

"There's a lady who knows, all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to heaven," she sang softly. He smiled, his eyes falling closed as he continued playing. She sang through the first verse and the chorus before her voice refusing to sing another word, threatening an emotional breakdown. He stopped. "You heard it in my mind, didn't you?"

"I heard you dreaming it," he said. She was a little taken aback by this.

"You hear my dreams?" she asked.

"Only if I'm awake," he said. "It's a beautiful song, Jude. Flitwick told me you could sing." She looked at him. "He asked me why, if you could sing the way you can, you won't help him lead the choir."

"And you said?" she asked.

"I said that I was unaware that you possessed any musical talent or interest." he said. "He was shocked."

"You never asked and it's not something I am comfortable doing in front of people," she said, shifting uncomfortably.

"He let me hear you sing when you were a student, in Dumbledore's Pensieve. It's like hearing a siren or an angel, you know that Judas?" She blushed, embarrassed.

"I wouldn't think that would be a memory worth saving," she remarked.

"Flitwick says that in 20 years, he's never found another voice like it, before or since," he said. "Really, I don't care if you help him lead the choir or not. I'm not trying to convince you. I just wanted to hear you sing with my own ears." She smiled.

"Hell of a song you picked," she said.

"Is it your favorite? I didn't catch the context of the dream, only the song," he asked.

"It was my father's favorite song. He preferred muggle music," she said. "I haven't heard that song since his funeral." Severus looked at her, shocked.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know-"

"It's alright," she stopped him. "You do it justice." She reached for his hands. The tips of his fingers were callused, his nails short and clean, and his hands were, as always, warm. He held her hands in his; hearing her thoughts was only made easier by touching her. I am falling in love, she said inside, barely a whisper. I love this man.

"Say it out loud, Jude," he said softly. She looked up at him. The disbelief when he read her mind was beginning to wear off. She closed her eyes, her cheeks blushing red. She bit her lip.

"I love you, Severus," she said. He brought her hand up to his mouth, pressing her palm to his cheek.

"I love you too, Judas," he answered. Her stomach flipped.

"You do?" she asked.

"I do, I've fallen in love with you, too," he said. How could I not?, he wondered. "I didn't think I was capable of loving someone again."

"Judas Ravenwood, what are you doing?" he asked. She sat up, snapping her book shut. She'd been reading leisurely, dozing occasionally on the sofa in her study, alone, in her apartment...Well, that certainly wasn't all I was doing, she thought. She flushed.

"You scared me," she said breathlessly. "I didn't hear the door."

"I didn't use it," he smiled. He'd apparated, of course.

"How do you do that so fucking quietly?" she asked, flustered. She sat up so he could sit next to her. She put her book on the side table next to her.

"What're you reading?" he asked. She could tell by the way he was looking at her that she was caught.

"Nothing of great importance," she said. "To what do I owe this visit?" He looked her over and she flushed harder. He reached for her chest.

"You left a button undone," he said, doing it up for her. He leaned in and kissed her, his lips gently brushing hers. "You naughty girl." She blushed to the neck.

"I-I don't know what you mean," she said.

"I believe you do," he breathed. He turned her face slightly away and lowered his mouth to her neck, nuzzling her soft, flushed skin. "I've never seen anything quite so sexy." Her eyes were closed when he came in, and she was biting her lip, leaning back on the couch, her hand between her legs, her fingers working at herself through her panties. It had to be one of the sexiest things he'd ever witnessed. He'd remained a silent a moment, but when she'd murmured his name, he suddenly felt like he was being a voyeur to his own lover.

"You don't play fair, Severus. You snuck up on me," she said, trying to keep her voice serious.

"You don't want my help, love?" he asked playfully. "Would you rather me watch you finish yourself? I wouldn't mind that, either." She looked at him and couldn't help the little smile blooming on her lips.

"I'm so embarrassed," she groaned, covering her face. He took her hands away from her face.

"You shouldn't be," he said. He leaned in again and pressed gentle, wet kisses to her throat. "I don't think I've ever seen anything so sexy." She leaned back and he loomed over her, sliding a hand between her thighs. "My, you are wet," he said softly. She squirmed against his touch. He rose, but instead of loosening his pants, he knelt before her. He slid her panties off and his mouth was upon her, almost at once. She gasped, frozen in disbelief as he spread her with his fingers, raking his tongue up her wet center.

"S-Severus," she shuddered, her body quaking beneath him. He took one of her legs and put it over his shoulder, ensuring that she couldn't get away from him. She wanted to stop him, this was too much. The sensation sweeping over her was blinding, deafening, wiping all thought away. He was too generous a lover as it was, but this, she was certain she'd never be able to match this pleasure for him. He'd clearly been listening, because he pinned her wrists to her sides.

"If you don't stop squirming, I'll have to curse you to make you be still," he said, his hot breath caressing her inner thighs, so intimate it was almost obscene. "Let me have my way, Judas. You're so sweet," his tongue flicked out, connecting with the tip of her clit directly.

"T-Too much," she sobbed. But he didn't listen. He leaned forward, his lips encircling her clit and she felt the gentle tug of him suckling her clit. It sent her over the edge immediately. She arched into his mouth, her body acting of it's own greedy will, but he didn't seem to mind. He nibbled and sucked at her clit alternately, drawing out her orgasm.

'S-Severus, oh please, please, no more," she cried. He finally rose up, cupping her with his hand, keeping the pressure there as she still shuddered out spasms of her release. Her face was deeply flushed, her hair mused, her eyes drowsy with lust and release. She'd writhed so much that the button down sleepshirt she'd been wearing had slipped over one shoulder, exposing her breast. He slid up over her, cupping her breast, touching his lips to hers.

"You lay here, looking like you do, touching yourself and sighing my name, and you expect me to be able to stop when I get my hands on you," he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Judas, but if that's what you expect, you've chosen the wrong lover." His thumb flicked gently back and forth over her nipple, and it contracted under his touch.

"You spoil me," she breathed.

"I'll do with you what I want," he said. His black eyes glittered, his black hair shone in the sunlight. He leaned to one side of her, studying her.

"Will you?" she asked in playful defiance.

"You're mine," he said seriously. She wanted to be defiant, to prove him wrong, keep him on his toes. But she couldn't deny it.

"I am, aren't I?" she said, more of an admission than a question.

"So long as you want to be," he said.

"So long as you want me to be," she corrected. He smiled, his eyes falling closed, shaking his head.

"No no, silly girl," he said. "I believe you'll want to be rid of me long before I'll want to be rid of you." She watched him. He frowned, opening his eyes again. She reached up, stroking his cheek with her knuckles.

"Oh Severus," she said, shaking her head. "I love you. Can't you see that in my mind? You see everything else so clearly." She cupped his cheek and he pressed his much larger hand over hers.

"I won't be caught taking another woman's love for granted ever again," he said, his voice a little hoarse with emotion.

"Look at me," she said, tilting his face to hers. "This is different. Completely different circumstances, completely different people." She shook her head. "We aren't a couple of teenagers trying to figure out our way." He studied into her eyes for a moment, then nodded.

"I love you," he said softly. "I really love you." She smiled.

"Come on, finish what you started," she said, pulling him to her. "You must be so tense it's unbearable."


	4. Chapter 4

Her eyes widened as he knelt before her.

Dinner in the Astronomy tower, alone, that had been very romantic of him. It hadn't occurred to her that he may have a motive for this dinner.

He took the small black box out of his jacket and suddenly, she felt time stand still. He opened it and revealed a beautiful black diamond set in a silver ring with smaller white diamonds on either side of the black. It sparkled in the candlelight, just like she'd noticed his eyes doing moments before.

"Will you marry me?" he asked. She sat still as a stone, the only sign she was still alive was that she occasionally took in a breath. "Are you alright?" She looked at his eyes and he saw hers, full of tears.

"Marry you?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Yes, if you'll have me," he said.

"Oh Severus," she whispered. "I'll marry you. Of course I'll marry you." She said. He slid the ring on her finger and stood up. She rose with him, wrapping her arms around him. He kissed the top of her head, holding her firmly, when he felt her sob.

"Judas, what's wrong?"

"It's just, I," she faltered. "I love you." He pulled her back against his chest. I love this man, I love him, I love him, I love him, she cried inside. He heard it, and knew she meant it.

A few weeks later, Severus stood at the head of the Great Hall, in front of the staff table. The room was decorated for a wedding ceremony. Our wedding, he thought. Candles floated in the air cast the hall in a soft white glow, made even more beautiful by the enchanted ceiling shining with the sunlight and softly falling snow that was clearly visible outdoors. A long, dark green carpet lay spread out between the rows of attendees, marking the aisle where, any minute, Judas would be making her appearance. Green carpet, instead of red, because they were both of the House of Slytherin, he the head and she the unofficial female head. All of the Hogwarts staff were in attendance, as were the school governors, and the students who stayed over the Christmas holidays and wanted to attend the wedding.

He'd worn his best robes, still very much in the style of his normal ones, but they were crisply pressed, perfectly tailored and stark black. His nerves were a wreck, though he never showed it. He worried for the past few days that something would go wrong, anything. But here he stood, awaiting his bride.

Judas stood outside of the doors of the great hall, breathing deeply...as deeply as the dress she wore would allow. The elegant cream dress with the black overlay, black lace flowers worked into the overlay here and there, was cinched tightly around her chest and waist, the skirt portion flowing out around her. Today, she wore none of the Slytherin heirlooms, only jewelry that Severus had given her. The black pearls around her neck and in her ears, and the black diamond in the silver setting on her left ring finger. She wore her hair in a sleek, braided knot at the back of her head and a fascinator of black diamonds and raven feathers. She waved her wand and the doors slowly opened. She tucked the wand back into her bodice and began making her last journey as Ms. Judas Ravenwood.

There seemed to be a collective gasp as the doors opened and she was revealed. She walked up the aisle, her dress quietly sweeping around her on the hard stone floor. The bewitched harp played something pleasant and serious as she made her way up the aisle.

Severus watched her, a notable lump quivering in his throat. She looked perfect. She'd been doing everything in her power not to let him see the dress, including hiding it and bewitching her wardrobe so he wouldn't find it, even if he did go looking. Though the lack of Slytherin heirlooms on her escaped no one, only Severus knew the point she was trying to make by not wearing them. She wanted it to be about Judas Ravenwood marrying Severus Snape. Not about Slytherin's heir, a pureblood witch, marrying a no name half blood wizard.

Finally, she ascended the steps to him and turned to face him. Her hands slid into his, easily as ever, though he noted hers were trembling slightly. But she looked up at him, her emerald eyes as clear and brave and certain as they always were. She saw the question in his eyes, and knew he was thinking of the calming charm. He'd told her days ago that if she wanted, he could perform it on her discreetly, if her nerves got to be too much. No, she thought to him, not today, love. I don't need it. He blinked, smiling slightly in understanding.

Dumbledore officiated the ceremony. I-dos were exchanged, as were plain silver wedding bands.

"I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape. You may kiss your bride." Dumbledore finished. Judas smiled, blushing on cue. They leaned in and kissed. He pulled her close, holding the kiss just a moment longer than she'd anticipated. When it broke, everyone was cheering. He held her, his lips brushing her cheek.

"You alright, love? You're still trembling," he asked, his question only audible to her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just nerves, being in front of everyone," she assured him. They turned and walked back up the aisle amidst applause and cheers. Judas smiled at everyone, until she came to Lucius. Lucius Malfoy made her intensely uneasy and even in such a happy setting as this, she didn't like being around him. But she barely had a moment to think about it. She and Severus disapparated to their apartment to breathe for a few moments before the reception, allowing for the great hall to be rearranged.

"You are beautiful in that," he said. "Will you changing out of it, Mrs. Snape?" He winked. She smiled.

"Not if you prefer me in it, Mr. Snape."

He nodded. "Mrs. Snape, Mrs. Judas Snape." he shook his head. "I never thought I'd see the day." She came to him, wrapping herself against his chest.

"Are you happy?" she asked. He held her out just far enough to see her eyes.

"Happier than I've ever been in my life, than I ever thought I would be," he said. She saw the tears lining his eyes. "Are you happy, Jude?" She nodded.

"Very much," she said softly. He wiped the tears from his eyes hurriedly.

"We should get back down there, they'll wonder what we're up to up here," he said. She smiled, not letting go, letting him apparate them back to the dining hall.

"I've never seen him look so happy." Judas could hear a few people talking.

"Of course he's happy, did you see her? I've never seen her look so beautiful. She's always wearing those awful, plain muggle clothes."

"No Slytherin brooch, nothing. I was so hoping to see if she would wear the serpent necklace Salazar gave to his wife. She must have it. She's the only female heir."

"And ruined her beautiful pureblood name and heritage by marrying a half blood." At that her blood ran cold. Lucius, of course, had made the last comment. "Practically royalty and she goes and marries him, and takes on his filthy muggle-father's name." At that she walked around the corner, drawing her black silk shoulder-wrap around her closely.

"Judas, you are stunning," Narcissa said, looking genuine. Of course, one could always look genuine next to Lucius.

"Thank you," she said. "Nice of you both to come, in the dead of winter and everything."

"Wouldn't have missed it," Lucius said. "Where's Severus, letting his beautiful wife walk around unattended?" Judas glanced around and saw him coming to her. Not that she needed tending to, but Lucius had a way of shutting up around Severus.

Judas sat at the staff table next to Severus. She finally felt at home there, conversing with Severus and Minerva easily.

The absence of Professor Umbridge hadn't escaped her, as the chair next to her sat empty. It would be the first time a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher didn't last a whole year. She wondered who would take her spot, but more than anything, relished the thought that the vile Umbridge woman was gone.

Professor Dumbledore stood to address the students just as everyone was finishing up breakfast.

"As you can all see, Professor Umbridge will no longer be with us. This leaves me with the need to fill the Defense Against Dark Arts post mid year. Luckily, a good friend of mine, Professor Cullen has graciously agreed to accept the post." Judas' heart felt like it stopped. Cullen? He didn't just say Cullen, she thought. Don't let it be who I think it is, oh please Albus, no.

From the side of the room, a tall, thin man with stark blond hair and pale skin came forward. Albus shook hands with the man and the man turned to come to sit at the staff table. His golden eyes caught Judas' green and there was an instant of recognition that she dreaded. He never missed a step, apparently choosing not to embarrass her in front of everyone. He took the seat next to her.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who used to be a student here, just like all of you. I hope that you will all show him a warm Hogwarts welcome." Albus finished. Severus looked over at Carlisle, across Judas and she felt like her entire life had come full circle. She was sitting between her first love and her husband.

"Dr. Cullen," Severus said, outstretching a hand. "Pleasure to meet you." Carlisle took his hand. "I'm Severus Snape. And this is my assistant and wife, Judas." She could tell by Severus' voice that he wasn't reading her thoughts.

"Nice to meet you, Severus," Carlisle said. And then he shifted his gaze to Judas. "Judas and I have met." Her heart was pounding and she knew that Carlisle could hear it loud and clear. She wondered if her scent, the warmth of the blood pounding through her veins, still drove him mad.

"You have?" Severus looked back and forth between them.

"Yes, we were classmates here," Judas said.

Judas stood outside the door of the classroom in the dungeon she shared with him. It was the first time they were teaching after the wedding, which happened to be the beginning of the winter term. She stood outside the door, transfixed by the nameplates on the door. The one on top read Professor Severus Snape, Potions, as it always had. But the one beneath it had changed. Asst. Professor Judas Snape, Potions. She touched the nameplate. Judas Snape, she thought. She touched her fingers to her lips, letting the name sink in.

"They've changed it," Severus said. She jumped a little, looking back at him, then back at the nameplate.

"Yes, I," she stopped, still fighting to find her breath. "I've just, it's the first time I've seen it in writing." She ran in over in her head a few times. Judas Snape, Judas Rose Snape, Mrs. Severus Snape, and each time her stomach quivered.

"We can have it changed back, if you'd prefer," he said, watching her carefully. She shook her head.

"No, it's just, I forgot about the name change. Silly," she tried to recover, tried not to get emotional, but it was difficult. She felt his hand on her back and immediately, a sense of calm swept over her.

"Come on, we have a class to teach in half an hour."

Judas sat at her desk near the window, sinking back into her normal role of helping when needed and keeping up on grading and paperwork when not. A few of the girls in class came up to her before class started and congratulated her, telling her how pretty she'd been at the ceremony. She thanked them and they slowly returned to their seats.

She listened vaguely as Severus lectured, but mostly she graded papers. They were about half an hour into class when he stopped.

"Mr. Malfoy," he said. She knew the tone all too well. But she'd just looked over the class and everyone seemed to be paying attention, including Draco. Severus quickly rattled off a question about something he'd just been lecturing about.

"I don't know, Professor," he answered, flushing a little.

"No, I thought not," Severus said. "Focus, all of you. Wandering minds cause unacceptable error. 10 points from Slytherin." She raised her eyebrows in surprise, wondering what he'd done that was worth a 10 point deduction.

After class was over, she approached him.

"What was he doing that made you think he wasn't paying attention?" she asked. "I figured he was taking notes. He wasn't being disruptive."

"He wasn't paying attention, take my word for it," he said coldly. She rolled her eyes, taking empty flasks and ingredients back to the shelves, carefully rinsing the flasks. It bothered her, because Draco really was being quiet. And it wasn't like Severus to deduct points from his own House. But he'd done it, 10 points right off the top with no proof.

"You really want to know what he was doing?" he asked. She jumped.

"Stop sneaking up on me, you're going to give me heart failure one day," she snapped irritably.

"He was fantasizing about you," Severus said. She turned to him.

"And how do you know that?"

"Same reason I know you were chewing over every new version of your name at the door earlier," he said. Her eyes narrowed.

"You're not supposed to do that to students," she said. "You're not supposed to read their minds. It's just a bit unethical." She was really getting irritated now.

"You didn't see what he was thinking, the little git," he said. "Bending my beautiful wife over my desk-"

"I don't want to know!" she said, putting her hands up, her eyes closing. She breathed deeply, something she only did when he really got her stirred up. "I don't want to know. Severus, they're teenagers, they're going to have silly thoughts that they expect aren't being watched by their teachers." She paused, watching him. "Did it bother you?"

"No," he said sternly. "It bothers me when they don't pay attention in class." She rolled her eyes again, turning to finish what she was doing.

He came up behind her, one of his arms snaking around her waist, anchoring him to her from behind.

"Severus, someone will see, " she said, squirming. He waved his wand and the door slammed shut, locking with an audible click as the bolt slid home.

"He bent you over the desk like this, Jude," he growled. She shivered, squirming against him.

"Stop," she said, half-giggling.

"Bent you over, nuzzling the nape of your neck, his hands all over you," he continued. One of his hands cupped one of her breasts, "fondling your breasts," while the other began bunching up the material of her skirt.

"Severus," she said, her voice caught between lust and warning.

"Oh no, love, you weren't saying my name," he rasped in her ear. She gripped the edges of the sink, throwing her head back, groaning as his hand slid between her legs.

"You are an evil, wicked man, you know that?" she said.

"And you are insatiable, my god woman, you're already wet," he said, rubbing his fingertips against her. She shuddered, pressing into his hand. He took away the hand fondling her breasts, continuing to stimulate her with the hand between her legs. She heard him undo his pants. "He undid his pants," she felt him expose her, "slid your knickers over," she gasped, the head of his very erect cock pressing against her tender, wet opening, "and he thrust forward and fucked you like he had no idea how to handle a woman." He enter her smoothly as he said this and she contracted tightly around him. "Luckily, I do know how to handle you." He drew back and thrust forward, all the while his fingertips massaging around and over her clit. By now, he really did know just how to handle her. He was thrusting just so the most intense friction was where she needed it most. The pleasure brought forth by his fingers and his cock sweltered in her brain like a fever. She felt herself become even more wet, felt him slide back and forth so easily, and covered her face with her hands, half to keep from moaning, half from embarrassment. "Don't cover your face," he panted. "I like to watch you. What's the matter?"

"You must th-think I'm such a whore, I get so excited and," she stopped.

"Oh Judas," he said. "You have no idea how much it turns me on when you get excited like this, for me. I'd prefer it be this way, rather than you only tolerate me."

"Tolerate," she laughed, wriggling her hips as he continued to move. "I c-can't get enough of you. Oh, finish me, please f-finish me." She begged. He laughed, speeding up. She bit her lips, muffling her cries as he stroked her into an intense orgasm. Her cunt seized him tightly and he bucked into her, finishing himself in the process.


	5. Chapter 5

"He seemed odd, nice enough, but his hand was freezing," Severus said, referring to Carlisle. Judas asked him what he thought of the new professor to break the ice. She had to tell him about their past. Waiting for it to come out later wasn't right.

"I need to tell you something," she said. He turned to her, his jet black eyes delving into her at once. "You should probably sit down." He narrowed his eyes, but sat down with her.

"Carlisle, we, we were classmates. And, well," she struggled to find the words. "We were, engaged, in college." He narrowed his eyes.

"Something I need to be worried about?" he asked.

"No, no, not at all. But, there was a reason we broke up," she said. "Brace yourself. He's a," she paused, trying to brace herself for his reaction, "He's a vampire." Severus' eyes grew wide.

"First a fucking werewolf and now a vampire, what does Dumbledore think he's doing?" Severus said. "Is he dangerous?"

"I don't think Dumbledore would let him teach here if he was," Judas said. "And I would have to say he isn't. If he'd been feeding on humans, his eyes would be red." She explained. Severus had noted the odd shade of gold in the man's eyes.

"What does he feed on?"

"Wild animals," she said.

"You had a relationship with a vampire?" he asked, looking very confused.

"When I met him, I didn't know what he was, I thought he was human. But his hands were always cold. And his eyes, they'd change, depending upon how long it'd been since he fed. But, he was my friend. He only told me the truth when we started dating. I was frightened at first, but he'd never hurt me. He'd never attempted to hurt me or anyone I knew." She held out her hands. He took them and immediately saw her time with Carlisle.

He saw a younger Judas, madly in love with a very much the same looking Carlisle. He saw a very different engagement ring on her finger, saw her look at Carlisle with much the same look she looked at him with. But there was something in her eyes that he didn't see when she looked at him. Wariness, concern, even a little fear. It was clear, even to him, that she didn't fully trust him. The memories were a blur, as they usually were with age and a want to forget them, and he didn't linger long.

"How could he stand to be with you, if you're what he truly hungered for? How could you trust him?" Severus didn't know the half of it. She remembered all too well the thrill of making love with Carlisle, the soothing chill of his touch, the way he'd nuzzle her throat, running his tongue over where he so desperately wanted to sink his teeth in. But he loved her too. Loved her more than any hunger. Being with her, around her, made his throat burn. But he fed often and maintained self-control beyond anything she could fathom.

"I just did. Look, I know him. I've known him for a long time and he," she stopped, not sure how to fit it into words that she wanted her husband to hear. "He just wouldn't."

"You said he went to school here?" he said. She nodded.

"He and I were the same year. He was a Ravenclaw and I was Slytherin, but we were friends. I think maybe, looking back, it's because we were both teased a lot. He was different because of his vampire traits and you know why I was teased," she said.

"Isn't he frozen how he is? At the age he is now?" he asked, confused.

"Yes, but I think he and Dumbledore used magic to help him fit in," she said.

Inspite of what she'd told Severus, Carlisle made her nervous. Not so much in fear for her safety or anyone else's, but because they'd been together once. He knew things about her. The intimacy of what he knew made her want to be far away from him.

She and Carlisle chaperoned the next trip to Hogsmeade. She avoided him as much as possible, but when the wind kicked up and the cold bit into her, she found herself forced into Three Broomsticks at a table with him.

"How have you been, Jude?" he asked, his warm golden eyes as sincere as ever.

"Good. I've been at Hogwarts for almost a year and a half. You met Severus, of course," she said.

"He seems like a perfect fit for you, if I may say so," he said. She smiled, relaxing a little. I wish I could hate him, I really do, she thought.

"How about you?" she asked.

"Dumbledore was kind enough to hire me, kept me out of trouble, really," he said. "I built a coven, but, I trusted a couple of newborn vampires and they hurt some people."

"You're in hiding?" she said. He nodded. "From who?" Carlisle smiled.

"The Volturi," he said. She nodded. She remembered them alright. When they were engaged, Judas had to meet them and take a vow to protect the secrecy of their kind. She'd taken it, of course. She was in love. But the images of the three men, Aro, Marcus and Caius still haunted her. Having to meet them, having to take the vow of secrecy, learning about Carlisle's past, it'd been enough to drive her away.

"What if they find you?" she asked. "Would they-?"

"Probably not, but there would be punishment," he said. It wasn't until he reassured this that she realized she'd been genuinely worried.

"No lady friends then?" she asked. He averted his eyes, smiling a little. If his heart had been beating, he might have flushed a little.

"No," he said.

"I'm sorry, that was personal," she said. "Forgive me." He looked up.

"Don't be sorry, it's alright," he reached for her hand. The hand with her wedding ring, his cold, stoney flesh shocking hers. She jerked her hand back before she realized she'd done it. Before the awkwardness could set in, Minerva was calling the students to return to the school. Judas quickly got up and followed suit, as did Carlisle. She longed for the normalcy, the safety and the warmth of her husband.

Judas saw to it that the Slytherins got back to the school and were headed back to their House before returning to her quarters. She was quick so as not to have to face Carlisle any further today. She came in, removing her coat and gloves, thankful that Severus had a fire going already. He looked up from his book as he sat on the sofa. Normal black pants and jacket, long dark hair and jet black eyes. And the healthy glow of blood being pumped by a living, human heart. She sat down beside him, working into the nook between his chest and his left arm.

"How was Hogsmeade?" he asked.

"Freezing," she said, grateful for his warmth. He laughed slightly, pulling her to his side tightly. She was thankful, and used the excuse to hold him tighter. He put his book down, wrapping both arms around her.

"One of the many reasons I avoid those trips," he said. She felt the heat radiating off his body, the flush of blood in his skin, could hear his heartbeat slightly. He was a normal, breathing human man with a heartbeat. She never realized how much she loved him being human until she compared him with what could have been.

"How much do you know of defense against the Dark Arts, Jude?" he asked. She avoided his eyes.

"More than I'd like to admit," she answered.

"Can you produce a corporeal patronus?" he asked. She met his eyes, waving her wand. The silvery vapor swirled and emitted from the tip of her wand and the form of a bird fluttered around her, it's wingspan wide, it's movements sure. It flew around her a few times before she raised her arm. To his astonishment, the bird landed on her arm. It was a raven. The beauty and coherence of it amazed him. It faded after a moment, and was gone.

"A raven," he breathed. "It was beautiful. And it responded to you, landed on you even." He seemed to be thinking aloud rather than talking to her. "Who taught you to produce that non-verbally?"

"My father," she said. "His was a raven too. How about you? Can you produce one?" He waved his wand, saying the incantation and following some silvery vapor, a large doe leapt from his wand, prancing about the room before evaporating. Judas watched it, smiling, her eyes bright. "Who taught you?"

"Lily," he answered. She nodded, deciding not to prod him any further about it. She knew about Lily, and was surprisingly understanding. Most women in her place would have been perturbed, but not Judas. Being jealous of a dead woman seemed not only foolish, but disrespectful.

"Did your father teach you more defenses?" he asked. She nodded.

"He started with me before I began at Hogwarts, after the first wizarding war. He wanted me to be prepared." Severus looked at her, wondering how much she knew. Was it possible her skill matched his? Surpassed it? She was very intelligent, but she didn't throw her knowledge around...it had a way of creeping out of her when he least expected it. "To be honest, I could modify the textbooks I've seen pass through the student's hands considerably. But, I wouldn't want to attract too much attention. I know things that the normal witch or wizard probably shouldn't." He narrowed his eyes, wondering what she meant. "Consider where I come from, Severus. Who my family is." She was right of course. "If I really wanted you to stop reading my mind, if I had something I wanted to hide, not even the most skilled Legilimens could see it. And if there was something I really wanted to see, I could do that too."

"Then why didn't you stop me before-"

"Because pretty clothes and friendliness weren't getting your attention," she smirked.

"Manipulated right into love with you," he growled playfully.

"No no, not manipulated," she smiled. "There was some of that I thought you couldn't hear. I'm not immune from blind spots." He shook his head, smiling.

"I love you, Judas, you know that?" he asked. She nodded.

"I love you too," she said.

When the Order of the Phoenix was reenacted, Judas joined happily alongside her husband. She couldn't be there when he met with the Death Eaters, which frightened her terribly. When he was with them, she often couldn't sleep or eat until she knew he was safely away from them. With the Order, she could go with him and knew he wasn't in danger.

She stood beside Severus, happily greeted by the Weasleys and by the other members of the Order. Even the children seemed pleased by her presence, especially the twins, Fred and George, who adored her after being healed by her during Umbridge's reign as the D.A.D.A. instructor and how entertained she was with their antics. She was laughing softly at something George said, her face in full beauty with a slight flush in her cheeks and a smile on her lips, when a man joined them. She looked up and froze, certain that she was mistaken.

"Oh, and Judas, this is Sirius Black. Of course you know, he's Harry's godfather-" Molly stopped when she saw the color drain from Judas' face. She locked eyes with Sirius and it was as if the world stopped on it's spin for a moment.

"Jude?" Severus asked, looking back and forth between her and Sirius. "Are you alright?"

"I'll be damned," Sirius said. Severus looked at him, frowning. At that moment, she wished like hell she'd just opted to stay back, let him handle all this. If she'd only known.

"Do you know each other?" Severus asked. Oh, this is going to be painful, she thought. Both men eyed each other. As if Carlisle wasn't enough.

"How do you know her?" Sirius asked. "We dated in college. I didn't know she joined the Order." And now she felt utterly ill. She felt the whole room tense. "Judas Ravenwood, please tell them I'm not mistaken." Judas swallowed thickly.

"It's Judas Snape now," she said, meeting his eyes. He looked incredulous.

"You married him?" he asked, as if it were some kind of sick lie or joke.

"You dated him?" Severus asked in much the same tone of voice.

"Yes," she looked back and forth between them, answering both questions. Molly and Arthur then tried to break the tension, but Sirius never took his eyes, full of disbelief, away from she and Severus. And she could feel the cold emanating from Severus long before they left. They apparated back home and he almost immediately laid into her with the questions.

"How could you not tell me?" he asked.

"I had no idea you knew each other, honestly." She said.

"You've seen my memories. That sorry git is in many of them and you say you had no idea?!"

"Your memories don't contain that name, I'm sure. Or I would've said something."

"He made me miserable. He and James were at me constantly. One marries the first girl I ever loved and the other dated my wife in college. Such rich symmetry in my life." The last thought he added with heavy sarcasm. She'd only been with two other men her entire life and of course, they would have to walk back into her life not six months after she'd married Severus.

"Do you think it was easy on me seeing him back there? I have few good memories with him, and then suddenly he's taken to Azkaban for mass murder. He escapes and after over a year of not hearing from him, I supposed I never would. And suddenly, he walks into the same room as us, like he owns the place."

"He does, technically." Judas rubbed her eyes tiredly, sitting down on the edge of their bed.

"Just my luck, first Carlisle Cullen comes to teach at Hogwarts, my first love and a vampire. Why wouldn't Sirius find a way back into my life?" she said. "Of course he's Harry's godfather. Why not? Could've easily been his godmother if things had gone differently, at least, that's what you're thinking. But instead I married his protector. Who happened to be in love with Harry's mother. And to top it all off, my cousin is the one trying to undo everything by killing Harry and ruling the world by dark magic again. You have it right, Severus, rich symmetry indeed." She was crying then. Severus was stung by her words in places, but they were all true. He knelt in front of her, taking her hands.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get upset with you. I just hate him, and to think you were with him once," Severus shook his head.

"I almost disapparated at once when he walked into the room." She said. "I'm so embarrassed. What a fucking scene that caused."

"I wouldn't worry about it, that group is such a cluster of oddballs anyway." He sat up on the bed next to her, pulling her close. "Besides, you made the right decision." She looked up at him, smiling and shaking her head.

"You're terrible." She laughed slightly.

"So I'm told."

Judas hated getting to Headquarters before Severus. She often went there so that she wouldn't have to be alone while he was meeting with the Death Eaters. But, being here often meant she overheard conversations about all sorts of things. None more upsetting than Sirius' favorite, why she'd ended up with Severus.

"Clearly she loves him and he deserves to be happy after all he's been through," Molly would pipe up in his defense a lot. Judas thought it was the motherly, protective instinct that made her do this.

"They just seem so mismatched. She's so kind and gentle and beautiful," Sirius would say.

"Severus isn't exactly an ugly man, Sirius," Tonks would follow Lupin's lead and defend him as well.

"Says the woman who loves a werewolf, no offense," Sirius answered.

"You don't think, after all you and James put him through, after what he's gone through over Lily, that he deserves some happiness?" Molly said.

"I suppose, but with her?" And that was where the hang up was. It wasn't about Severus, it was about her. About her loving him.

"Perhaps he has her under a love potion." Harry said. Even the teenagers had their doubts.

"Don't be silly, they've been together for too long, she'd have noticed," Hermione said. "Besides, she doesn't look at him all dopey and stupid or fawn over him ridiculously. She barely talks."

"Saved our asses from Snape's wrath a few times," Fred said, George nodding in agreement. To that, Judas could only smile.

"How does she fall in love with Snape and still retain these two idiots as her favorites?" Ron asked.

"Did she say we're her favorites?" George asked.

"She's the only professor who thinks you're funny," Ron said.

But no one could deny her devotion when afternoon gave way to evening. They'd all sit down to dinner, but Judas wouldn't eat.

"Why don't you press her to eat?" Ron would ask when she'd load up everyone else's plate, especially Harry's. Molly would shoot them a look.

"Because she'll eat when she's ready," she said. Judas was grateful that someone understood. She'd watch the clock, not that it helped her. Molly's clock didn't keep normal time. And Severus' name wasn't on one of the hands, so she didn't even know when he was traveling. And he barely made any sound when he apparated, so she could only count on her instincts. "Don't worry, dear. If I was in your position and Arthur in Severus', I would be the same way." Judas smiled. Tonks reached out for Judas' hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Me too, Judas," she said.

"Thank you both," Judas said. It made her feel a little less alone, but neither woman would ever know what it was like to wonder whether or not a Death Eater meeting would end quietly. Whether or not their mate would be found out to be a double agent and have god knows what happen to them. She couldn't relax until he was sitting next to her.

She heard footsteps and suddenly, he walked in. His hair was a bit windswept from recently apparating, his face pale from the cold and stress. But he was safe once more. She restrained herself from jumping up and embracing him, kissing him. He took his seat next to her and she reached for his hand. She feigned warming it between her palms, but she was really communicating with him.

Everything ok? She asked. He turned and looked at her. His eyes were tired, circled slightly, but otherwise looked relieved and ok.

Yes. He answered.

Severus related to the Order his latest meeting. She knew none of the Death Eaters he spoke of, apart from the Malfoys. She hadn't been surprised to learn Lucius was a Death Eater, but it made her uneasy.

"So the lovely Judas Ravenwood marries Snivellus Snape," he drawled. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't saw it with my own eyes."

"Snivellus?" she said, looking at him quizzically. "What, is that a remnant from childhood, Sirius?"

"I just can't fathom you, as I remember you, marrying him," he said. "I can't fathom anyone marrying him, actually."

"Well, I did," she said.

"Why? You seem so mismatched," he said.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I happen to love him," she said.

"Doesn't really answer that, does it?"

"I love him. I love how honest he is. I love how intelligent he is. I am wildly attracted to him and he satisfies me in ways that no one ever has," she said. "Does that answer your question, Sirius?"

"I don't know how you stand to know that he took a vow to protect another woman's son. Oh how he pined for Lily, I don't think he's ever had a real girlfriend," Sirius said. Just then, Severus came into the room.

"Well, I mean, obviously he's lying," she said. "You are too skilled a lover." But he didn't meet her eyes, didn't laugh off the notion that, when they'd first met, when they'd first made love, it had been his first time ever making love with anyone. In fact, there was a hint of an embarrassed blush blooming in his cheeks. "Right, I mean, Severus? You were 35 when we met, and, even the first time, you were-" He looked up then, his jet black eyes meeting hers.

"One doesn't have to come by certain knowledge by experience only." Her eyes widened. "One reads things and with a little luck..." He trailed off.

"But, Severus, it's, you were," she stopped. "You were a virgin?" He nodded. "How could you not tell me? I mean, maybe not then, but, we've been together for over two years, married for the last six months."

"It's not something I was particularly proud of, Jude. And certainly not something you tell the woman you're trying to impress and fall in love with," he said. She sat down, turning it over in her head over and over.

"Oh god, how I must seem to you," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Carlisle, Sirius," she said. "I must seem like such a whore. I assure you, there are no more-"

"No no, you're overthinking it. I don't think those things of you. I never have. You forget, I hear your thoughts, see them. I didn't go nosing around for details, but I knew there were two lovers before me. That's not abnormal." He sat down beside her.

"I wish I'd have known it was, you know," she said.

"Why, would you have been more gentle, Jude?" he said. She looked up at him through her lashes, not able to help the smile spreading across her lips.

"I might have been more of a lady, instead of fucking on the floor of the Forbidden Forest," she said.

"I don't think I could've waited another minute," he said. She thought of him that first time, how satisfying a lover he'd been even then. To think that man had been a virgin before they met and had produced one of the more enjoyable sexual encounters she'd ever had, and that Sirius'd had a few girlfriends before her and procured the lackluster performance he had when they'd been together, things didn't make sense in her life. She shook her head. Her eyes returned to his and she saw the smug smile on his face, realising he'd been listening to her thoughts.

"Oh shut up, Severus," she said.

"I could've told you he was a cad," he said.

"Well we didn't know each other then, so no one could've told me," she said. "You must've really read some books." He laughed.


	6. Chapter 6

There is a break of about six months between the last chapter and this one. Severus was discovered by the Ministry of Magic to be associating with the Death Eaters. This was during the time that the Ministry wasn't listening to reason about Lord Voldemort's return. Severus was sent to Azkaban until he could be proven innocent, though evidence was lacking that he was guilty.

Judas thought she would lose her mind. She carried on teaching, though. Dumbledore managed to get Professor Slughorn to take up the Potion's position until Severus returned and Carlisle took Judas as his assistant. She pushed through, holding herself together best she could. For once, she was thankful Carlisle had returned, because he was so kind to her.

And somehow, she and Severus found their way back to each other.

Draco followed her quietly, unbeknownst to her, into the empty classroom.

"Mrs. Snape," he asked. She whirled around, frightened. She hurriedly wiped her eyes.

"Draco, you scared me," she said.

"I didn't mean to," he said. She stood back. The boy looked liked his father, save for youth and shorter hair.

"What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I have something of yours, I think," he came to her. She was still so injured emotionally by what Lucius had done to her that she tensed. He held out his hand and she reached out. Her locket, Slytherin's locket, fell into her hand. She frowned, her eyes wide, looking from the locket to him.

"D-Draco, I don't think-"

"Mother asked me to see to it that it found it's way back to you," he said. "He tried to give it to her, but she knew where it came from." Judas held the locket to her chest, looking at him confusedly.

"I would've figured you'd have kept it. I didn't think you liked me much for marrying Professor Snape." she said.

"I'm not like my father," he said. "And I wouldn't have wanted that taken from you. I wouldn't have wanted him to hurt you, and neither would my mother." She covered her mouth, trying desperately not to cry. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Snape. For him." And suddenly, he looked nothing like his father. Nothing at all.

"Thank you, Draco," she didn't know what else to say.

"He's being released tomorrow, you'll get the official owl this afternoon," he said, referring to Severus. She wanted to hug the boy, wanted him to know that she had been wrong, he was nothing like his father, that she was sorry he had to get wrapped up in this. He seemed to understand, and nodded. And then he turned and left.

Judas stood at a safe distance from the doors of Azkaban. The dementors swarmed the place, terrifying in appearance. She knew what they were capable of, and didn't wish to get any closer. She watched the door closely, waiting in the small shelter where loved ones, if an inmate had any, waited for their inmate to be released. She saw him then, dressed in the black clothes she'd sent for him, still shackled. The human wizard walking him was guiding him to the shelter, looking slightly more human and feeling than a dementor, but not much.

Severus looked very much the same, his hair slightly longer, his form slightly thinner, his skin just a touch more pale than it had been when he was imprisoned. She stood there, dark jeans, thick black turtleneck sweater and deep green coat. Her hair was pulled into the familiar side-braid. She stood there, wringing her hands, wanting to take off into the muddy field and throw her arms around him. But she forced herself to stay, her hand in her pocket, playing with his wedding band. He'd given it to her to keep until he was freed and she rarely let it off her person. Finally, they were in the shelter. Severus didn't look at her until the guard removed the shackles from his wrists. She stood there, knowing how he hated theatrical showing of affection, trying to be calm. But his black eyes met her emerald ones and she couldn't help the tears filling her eyes. She came to him then, throwing her arms around him.

Severus wrapped her tightly in his arms, burying his face against the pretty plait that held her hair, breathing her in. She smelled like lavender and vanilla and freedom and love.

"I missed you," he stifled a sob against her hair, holding her fiercely to him. She'd never felt him come quite so undone.

"It's ok, shhh," she said, stroking his hair and back. "You're free. I'm here and you're free. Let's go home." He nodded, not letting go. She apparated them home, bringing them just in front of the door of their house. He thought he would collapse with relief to be home. Being in Azkaban hadn't made him as incredibly homesick as being away from her did. Their relationship had evolved to being so easy, he didn't realize how much he'd taken the warmth and comfort of being with her for granted. Watching her prepare tea and bring it to them, conjuring a fire in the fireplace with the flick of her wand, he vowed to never take her for granted again.

Judas was thankful he seemed so tired and somewhat emotional. If she was behaving differently, he wasn't picking up on it. And apparently, he wasn't trying to read her thoughts. She didn't know how she was ever going to tell him about what she'd done, about what'd been done to her. She was so glad to have him home, but knew it was only a matter of time.

After they finished their tea, he bathed and almost immediately wanted to lay down. She lay with him, and was relieved when he didn't want to make love. She didn't yet know how she was going to deal with that, when it came time to do so.

Judas trembled under his gaze.

"You're hiding something from me, you've been hiding it since I came home. I want to know what it is." Severus said. "You're pale and too thin, you flinch at the slightest provocation, you feel tense and squirming when I try to touch you, when you'll let me touch you," he said. "I can't see into you anymore because you've blocked me."

"It's nothing," she said, her arms wrapping around herself, trying to keep from shaking.

"Don't tell me that!" he growled. She shrank away from him. "You're not the same, Judas."

"Do you think it was easy to deal with you not being here?"

"But I'm here now," he said. He tried and tried to listen to her mind, but he could only hear paranoid whispers of fear. "You don't love me anymore, is that it? Is there someone else?"

"I love you as much as I ever have and no, there's no one else," she said.

"I hate to say, I don't believe you. Whatever you're hiding, you seem terrified that I will find out." he said. "I'm not a violent man, Jude. If you've fallen in love with someone else, it'll hurt, but I wouldn't harm you for it."

"I haven't be unfaithful and there is no one else," she said softly. She met his eyes then and he knew that was the truth.

"Then what?" he asked desperately. "You won't talk to me, you won't look me in the eye, you won't let me touch you." She looked at him, then began undoing the buttons on her sweater. "No, Jude, that's not what I'm after." But she undid the cardigan and took it off, revealing a white t-shirt. She held out her left arm and he saw it. The Dark Mark. He gasped, his breath taken away.

"You don't really think you got out of Azkaban on good behavior, do you?" He was dumbfounded.

"Voldemort doesn't have the authority to free people-"

"One of his death eaters has a lot of influence at the Ministry of Magic," she said. "I take the Mark in exchange for your freedom."

"Judas," he whispered again, this time in awe. That's not the worst, something in his mind whispered to him. His eyes narrowed. "Which death eater has the authority to free a man from Azkaban?" He could tell by the look in her eyes that this was where the worst truth lay.

"Lucius Malfoy," she said, her voice rasping, her jaw clenching. And it dawned on Severus then, what the fear and dread and pale fright was about.

"You had an affair with him?" he asked. She looked at him, stunned with contempt. But before she could protest, he grabbed her by her upper arms and bore into her, searching her mind. She could feel him doing it. Most of the time, he slipped into her mind and observed what was going on, but he was shoving into her mind now, past the barriers she'd tried to put up, viewing thoughts and images forcefully. It made her head throb, much like a sinus pressure headache, her eyes watering from the pressure.

"You're hurting me," she said, squirming in his grasp. "Stop it, that hurts." she shoved at him, and he stopped, but didn't release her. He was shocked and sickened by what he found...

"You want me to help you get Severus out of Azkaban," he said, his gray eyes moving over her body freely, as they were alone in his study. She nodded.

"Please," she said. "Voldemort said you could help me."

"And I will," he said, standing up, coming to her. He stood there, too close. He reached out and touched her cheek, his hand chilled. He toyed with a lock of her hair. "You're so beautiful, Judas," he said, softly, though there was no warmth in his voice. It was slowly becoming clear that, just because Voldemort told him what to do, didn't mean he'd do it without putting his own interests first. "Such a beautiful pureblood witch. Severus is such a lucky man to have you here, pleading for him to be let go. But I wonder just how desperate you are." He grabbed her chin and tilted her head up, making her look at him. "How desperate are you, Judas?" She could feel what he was thinking and it made her want to scream with horror. His hands were on her suddenly, one hand cupping her breast, the other between her legs. She fought him, but she knew it was a losing battle.

"Stop it, please stop," she cried softly.

"I thought you wanted him out, Judas, I thought you wanted your precious Severus out desperately," he taunted her, grabbing her and shoving her to the ground. She started crying, covering her face as he jerked her clothes open. Soon, she didn't know how soon, she tried to disconnect from herself, to block out what was happening to her; he was on top of her, in her. She turned her face away, her eyes closed, tears rolling down her cheeks. She whimpered softly, praying for it to be done, for him not to draw this out.

When he was finished with her, she went to redress herself when she saw what he was doing. He'd held a lighter to the ring of his coat of arms he wore and before she could get away, he pressed the scalding face of the ring into the flesh of her thigh. She cried out, but the damage was done.

Severus looked at her bright emerald eyes and saw the tears of pain, of the burden she'd been carrying, the awful memories that seemed to have been recorded in her mind in such intense detail.

"Just because Voldemort asked him to let you go and he agreed doesn't mean he did it without his own," she swallowed thickly. "Compensation."

"I'm going to be sick," he said, turning, going quickly to the bathroom joined to their bedroom. When he returned, he was more pale from being sick, but he looked like a man caught between the intense rage and deep despair.

She leaned against the door frame, trying not to break down in a fit of sobs. He'd frightened her, really frightened her for the first time ever. They'd dated for almost a year, been married for just over that, and he'd never grabbed her like that. He'd never screamed at her. And he'd never scrambled her thoughts so violently. She could tell by the way he wouldn't look at her that he was embarrassed about it, but it was done. He turned and went into his study and slammed the door, making her jump. She took a few deep breaths, poured a bit of firewhisky into a tumbler and downed it quickly, willing it to numb her pain and blur her thoughts and memories. She went to the shower.

Instead of making her feel better, the alcohol's effects only amplified her headache. He'd never gripped her mind like that, never tore through it like a thief ransacking a house, and it had left her with an intense migraine. Light hurt, sound hurt, and the mild intoxication from the whisky hurt. She didn't bother to turn on the light in the bathroom, and stood under the spray, letting it run over her body freely. She massaged her head, starting at the base of her skull and slowly working her way up. He would be a very powerful death eater, she thought. She shivered.

She finished showering, dressed for bed and got into their bed without him, never turning on a light. The migraine persisted, so much so that she laid there on her back, her arm over her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks. She resisted the urge to call to him, to ask him to make the pain stop. She knew he'd know how. Still she fought, wanting to stay angry at him. But in the end, the pain won.

"Severus," she sobbed softly. He would surely know how to ease the pain he'd created and this headache would surely keep her up all night if it persisted. "Severus," she called to him again, a little louder this time.

He came into their bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Judas?" he said. She didn't remove the arm from her eyes and he turned on the light.

"Turn it off, please, turn it off," she groaned. He did.

"What is it?" he asked, concerned.

"M-my head," she said, trying not to sob. He took her arm from her eyes and saw how pale she was, her eyes bloodshot and filled with tears. He understood. Of course she's in pain, you went into her mind and practically threw things around, he thought. "P-please help me." He took her head and placed his palms on her temples. He murmured soothing charms, slowly loosening his grip on her head. The pain dissolved beneath his touch, and she sobbed with relief. He pulled her up into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Jude, I am," he said softly. He kissed her temple, her cheek.

"Please don't do that again," she said. "Scramble my head like that." Her voice quivered as she said it.

"I won't, I promise," he held her fiercely. "Ever. I am sorry, for everything. I never meant to hurt you." She leaned into his chest, tears still leaking from her eyes. "I love you, Judas. You have to know that." She nodded.

"I didn't ask for it. If I could take it back and you still be free, I would." He didn't know what to say to her. How could someone love me so much that they'd endure something like that?, he wondered. She'd fought very hard not to break, but her control on her emotions was gone. She covered her face with her hands.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I can't fathom how you could love me so much." She dissolved into a fit of sobs that shook her whole body. "Put your arms around me," he said. She wrapped them around his middle, anchoring herself to his chest. "Laevo temperandis." She heard him murmur the calming charm, then begin to smooth his hands over her back in soothing circles. A sense of peace and calm spread throughout her immediately, and he felt her lean into him.

"Th-thank you," she said gratefully. He could feel her calming in his arms, could feel her tense muscles relaxing.

"I think I can lift the brand. There's not much I can do for the Mark," he said, his voice warm and deep and reassuring. She nodded. He thought of the visions he'd seen in her mind, the fears she'd had to face, the pain and humiliation she'd had to endure and all of it so he could be free. "You've got the heart of a lion."

He'd felt so good, and she was genuinely relieved it was going so well. He was the wonderful lover he'd always been, his mouth and hands busy keeping her aroused. Everything was moving along beautifully...and then she let her eyes fall closed. And suddenly, instead of Severus making love to her, she flashed back to that awful night. She tried to shake the thought, but suddenly, it felt like he was smothering her. Try as she might to stop it, she began to panic.

"Severus," she said, put her hands on his shoulders. And when he didn't hear her the first time, she really began to panic. "Severus, stop, please!" She groaned, pushing him up. He immediately stopped, confused because he thought she was enjoying making love with him. "Please, I can't breathe!" He sat up, and she sat up, grabbing her throat and chest. She had gone pale and she was gasping, her eyes filling with confused, embarrassed tears. He sat beside her, his hand on her back.

"It's ok, breathe Jude," he said, trying to calm her down before she went into a full scale panic attack. She struggled for a moment, then started to calm back down. He saw the color starting to come back into her face, her breathing coming in much more relaxed. "Breathe deep, you're ok. It's just you and me." When she calmed, she turned to him, and the tears came nearly instantly.

"I'm so sorry, Severus" she sobbed. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Come here," he gathered her in his arms, rocking her as he had so many times over the past few weeks. "I didn't think the first time would be perfect, not after what you went through."

"I didn't mean to let myself panic," she cried and he continued to rock her.

"Flashbacks are going to happen, it's normal," he said. "We'll get there. I'm not giving up after one panic attack. We're too good together." She bit her lip, trying not to sob. "I love you, Jude."

"I love you, Severus," she said. He gently laid her down, wrapped her in the sheets and held her long after she'd calmed down and they fell asleep.

Judas and Severus sat directly across the long table in Malfoy Manor from Lucius and Narcissa. Severus wasn't sure who was having a harder time with remaining calm and collected, Judas or himself. Her face was set, pale and tired, but set. She wasn't going to show weakness, but he could hear her fighting her stress. He was just as set, but instead of trying to talk himself into remaining calm, he was imagining ripping Lucius, limb from limb. No magic. He was quite certain he'd need nothing but his anger and bare hands to accomplish what he'd like to do to Lucius.

Judas could feel the tension coming off of Severus. She saw one of his hands drawn into a fist on his thigh, though his face showed no sign of any emotion. She reached over and touched his forearm.

If I can hold it together, you can, too, she thought to him. He didn't look at her, but blinked twice. She knew the gesture well. It meant he agreed to what she thought. Two blinks for agreement, one for disagreement. His hand unclenched.

"I'd kill him if I ever got the chance," he told her. "I don't think I'd be able to stop myself."

"Then I hope the opportunity never presents itself," she said. "I'd hate to see you carted off to Azkaban again." He nodded.

"You held it together well," he said.

"What can I do? In front of them, all of them?" she shook her head. "I can't change what happened." He nodded, admiring her strength.

She came into their bathroom. Severus watched her come in, walk up to the tub timidly, just a towel wrapped around her.

"Jude?" he said.

"I want to try again," she said. She stepped into the tub, which was as big as a good sized hot tub. She took of her towel and settled into the hot water, sighing audibly.

She wanted to slip right back into their normal pattern. Her body craved his. But her mind had a harder time of it.

Severus sat across from her. He wasn't sure whether he should look at her the way he wanted to or not. She was his wife and he was in love with her and he wanted to make love to her. They hadn't since before his incarceration in Azkaban. He never pushed her, never pressured her or tried to seduce her into it. But it didn't mean he wasn't burning for her.

She came to him, standing in the chest-deep bath before him. He could tell she was stumbling with coming onto him. It'd been so natural before and he had no doubt it would be again. But they had to break the ice again.

He reached out for her and turned her, guiding her back into the crook of the seat in the tub between his legs. She leaned back against his chest, feeling the flesh of his naked body against hers and feeling so close to home that it hurt.

He took a clean washcloth from the stack next to them, wetting it and working soap into it until it was soapy.

Severus began to wash her with it gently, her arms, her back. His hands slipped beneath the water along with the cloth. He slid his hand between her legs and began to gently caress her through the cloth. She leaned back in him, spreading her legs encouragingly. He kissed her behind her ear, sliding his bare fingers over her sensitive flesh under the water. She arched into his touch.

"Severus," she breathed. He smiled, his other arm coming up around her stomach, holding her against him as his other hand deftly pleasured her. His fingers worked her sensitive flesh gently, tracing her labia and thumbing her clit in a soft, lazy rhythm. "Severus, please," she moaned, turning her head to the side against the side of his neck, her breathing becoming more rapid. He cupped her breasts in his free hand, fondling them one by one.

"My beautiful Judas," he murmured, sliding his fingers between her swollen lips. She arched her hips. They barely penetrated her enough to really get her going, but the way he was stroking her, holding her, made her relax and aroused at the same time. She was safe. Severus had her, in the privacy and safety of their home.

"How do you know exactly how to touch me?" she groaned.

"I pay attention." he answered.

"That feels so good," she said. She rocked her hips forward, wanting more, needing more. He pushed two fingers into her, noting how much less tense she was this morning. He turned them and began stroking his fingertips against the front in a come hither motion. She arched into the pleasure, writhing and wriggling against his hand. "Please, Severus, oh please," she moaned.

"Do you want to come, Jude?" he asked. She nodded eagerly. He placed his thumb just above her clit and pushed down while making the same motions with his fingers inside of her. She bucked against him only twice before he felt her clench around his fingers, crying out. She shuddered, leaning forward, pressing her thighs together, riding out the pleasure. He watched her, waited for her to calm, for her body to come down from the high of orgasm. He sat up, pulling her back against him, holding her, kissing her neck and shoulders. She shuddered, leaning into him.

"I want to make love," she said, sitting up, looking at him over her shoulder. "Please." He nodded. She got up, turning to face him, coming to straddle his lap. She reached down, feeling for him and gasping as she touched him. "You're so hard." Not that he ever had a problem with that, but she knew he must be mad with his lust. They had always been a very sexually active couple and this amount of time passed without any activity had to make him crazy. He read her guilt so quickly it was startling.

"Don't," he said. "Please, don't look at me with that guilty expression. I'd wait a lot longer if that's what you needed." She looked down at him and knew how incredibly fortunate she was. She nodded, guiding him to her tender opening.

"Push into me," she said softly. He wrapped his arms around her waist and push up into her. She groaned, her whole body shuddering. She impaled herself the rest of the way on him. "Y-you feel so good." she said, her stomach quivering. He wrapped his arms around her waist and thrust upward slowly, but very deliberately, into her. She trembled as he slid all the way inside, holding still for a moment. It'd been a while and he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't know what, if any, injury she might have sustained from Lucius, but he didn't want to find out because he himself had been too rough with her. She wriggled her hips, and he felt her clenching around him, growing accustomed, again.

"Look at me, Jude," he said. She opened her eyes and looked down at him."Just go slow," he whispered his eyes drowsy and his speech slightly slurred with lust. She slid up, and then down, holding his shoulders for support. She slid up and down his considerable length, slowly, over and over. He watched her and felt her, all at the same time. "It's you and me. Keep your eyes on me, love." She nodded. She bit her lip. He reached out, cupping her cheek, then stroking down her jaw line, her throat, over her collarbone and along the supple curve of her breast.

"I love you, Severus," she said.

"I love you," he answered. She rose up a little, then slid back down, impaling herself on him. He groaned, meeting her movement with a small thrust. She studied him, his long black hair, always slightly disheveled, his pale skin, flushed under his cheekbones at the moment with his lust. She rocked back and forth, feeling her body come to life. But she wasn't becoming aroused as quickly as she wanted, and he watched her grow frustrated with her body.

"It's just frustrating," she said. He reached down beneath the water and found her clit with his fingers. He massaged it slowly, feeling her grip on his shoulders tighten. "Oh Severus," she moaned.

"Does it hurt, Jude?" She shook her head. He leaned up, wrapping his arms around her.

"We were made to fit this way," he said, kissing her. She nodded, biting her lip. He cupped her breasts, gently rolling her nipples back and forth.

"Severus," she panted, riding him, sliding easily up and down his length, she was so wet. With each stroke, her apprehension grew less and less.

The water in the tub splashed mildly around them, preventing them from making love too fast. It was maddening. He must've been getting frustrated with it, too, because he managed to reach around behind her and lifted her up against the edge of the tub, never leaving her body. She smiled up at him, panting, humping against him. He smiled, slowly beginning to fuck her more quickly. And the best part was that it felt good.

"Harder, please," He moved faster, again and again burying his cock within her. She clung to him, her fingernails digging into his back and shoulders. She met each of his thrusts with an equally eager arch of her hips. "You're throbbing inside, I can feel it." He nuzzled her throat. He slid his hands more firmly under her bottom, holding her very tightly so he could control their rhythm. He slowed and she threw her head back, groaning in frustration.

"Severus, please, please, I need to come," she begged. He slowed, changing his rhythm to hold off her orgasm. She slid a hand down between them and touched herself, stimulating her own clit. He grabbed her hand away before she could finish herself.

"As much as I love to watch you touch yourself, this is not the time. Keep your hands on my shoulders, I don't want you rushing this." he growled in her ear. "Do you really think I'd ever deny you?" She shook her head, doing as he told her to.

"Please, please, please," she moaned. She could only wrap her legs loosely around his hips and ride out his thrusts.

"Alright, love, have your pleasure," he said. He began thrusting in and out of her more rapidly. She clung tighter, feeling the orgasm swell up and explode within her. He came, holding Jane there around him.

"Jude, fuck," he swore, bucking passionately inside her. He came just as hard as she did, and when the waves of pleasure began to slow, he slowly brought her back into the tub with him, holding her, relishing in this first success at love-making.


	7. Chapter 7

Jude knew something was up. She had a feeling anyway. But Carlisle definitely confirmed her fear.

"Judas, could I have a word with you?" he asked in between classes when Severus was out of earshot. She nodded. "I think you're pregnant, Judas." And even though she'd been thinking about it, worrying about it, hearing it still made her feel worse.

"What makes you say that?" she asked. His golden eyes never left hers.

"I can hear two heartbeats now," he said. As a vampire, Carlisle possessed senses so sharp that it was alarming. She knew he could hear her heartbeat, but it never occurred to her that he would be able to hear an unborn child's.

"Please don't say anything, Carlisle, please," she said. "With what's going on, what I have to deal with, I don't think it's wise to start telling people I'm pregnant. Plus, I mean, it's still very early yet." Carlisle frowned, moving closer. He held out his hand to touch her stomach, but paused.

"May I?" he asked. She nodded. His stone cold hand pressed to her lower abdomen. "I don't know how early it truly is, Jude. The heartbeat is strong, stronger than a freshly conceived pregnancy." She frowned. Surely, it could only be a few weeks along, she and Severus had been separated by his stay in Azkaban until then - she gasped. "Are you alright? Sit down."

"Can you tell how far along I am, Carlisle?" she asked, trying to remain composed. It can't be, it just can't, she thought.

"No exactly, without the muggle tools, but I would venture to say at least a month, maybe more," he said. "Why?"

"Nothing, nothing, it's just, I can't believe I'm pregnant," she said. "You don't happen to have any of those muggle tools, do you?" she asked. He shook his head.

"We'd have to visit my office outside of Hogwarts," he said, studying her. "Are you sure you're alright, you're awfully pale." She nodded.

"I'd like to visit that office with you when you have a chance, I'd like to know just how far along I am, so I know what measures I need to take." He nodded, seeming to understand the way she wanted him to.

Thankfully, she got back to their apartment first, and alone. Jude went to the bathroom, closed and locked the door. She turned, leaning against the door. She caught her reflection in the mirror, saw how white and tired and sickly she looked and immediately slid to the floor. The tears came, hot and many. Pregnant, she'd been wondering if she was for a couple weeks now. She'd been so preoccupied with concealing it and wondering if and when she should tell Severus that it hadn't even occurred to her that the baby may not be his. At least a month, maybe more, he'd said. If it was a month, that was just enough time to make it possibly Severus' child. But if it was even that or much more, there was a good chance it was...Lucius'. She felt the wave of nausea hit her. She stumbled to the toilet, but was wracked only with dry heaves. Lucius' baby, she thought, the tears running down her face freely again. She couldn't, wouldn't have it. She would have to have an abortion. There was no way she could bare to carry his child, have his child. Severus had already forgiven so much, understood so much. What of this? What would he say if it wasn't his baby? Lucius' rape hadn't broken them, but it had been a blow.

"Jude? Are you home?" Severus called as he came in the front door. She jumped, standing up. How was she ever going to hide her fear, her worry. He'd seen right into her before. Maybe it would be best just to tell him. But they'd only just gotten back to being the loving, affectionate couple they'd been before Azkaban. How far would this set them back? "Jude?" She turned on the faucet and began splashing the cold water on her face.

"Just a minute," she called. She wiped her face, willed herself to be brave, and left the bathroom.

"We need to be at Malfoy Manor in about an hour-" he stopped dead. "What is it?"

"What, nothing," she said.

"You've been crying, what's wrong?" he said. It amazed her how he could be so distant and calculating in one moment and immediately warm and receptive with her the next.

"I have news, I guess I'd better get it out now," she said. He frowned, searching her face. "I'm pregnant." He looked stunned.

"What?" he said. "Pregnant?" She nodded. "Jude, now's not exactly the time to be having children." His slightly chiding tone irritated her, made her feel even worse.

"Don't you think I know that?" she said. "I didn't do it on purpose."

He studied her face, planning to apologize, when he saw the look. His stomach dropped. It was the same look she'd had the night he'd learned the Lucius raped her. The look between telling him that she had taken the Dark Mark and telling him about the rape. The look that said, there's more and it's worse. And the worse dawned on him.

"It's not mine, is it?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. "Carlisle said that, it could be only a month along, but it could be more. He said without examining me the muggle way with their technology, he couldn't know for sure."

"How long before he can examine you?" he asked.

"Next week," she said. "He's seeing muggle patients during the spring break and agreed to do the exam then."

"And if it isn't mine?" he asked.

"I'll have an abortion," she said. "I can't even think of having it then."

"And if it is mine?" This question was worse. She wanted to have it, if it was his, but couldn't tell what he wanted. Did he even want children?, she wondered. Had they ever even talked about it?

"Whatever you want, Severus, I'm at a loss," she said. She felt her voice becoming weaker as she spoke, felt as though she were very small and weak herself. There was a long pause in which she wished he would yell at her, hate her, leave her, because that's what she felt, in that pause, what she was worth.

"How dare you," he said, his voice low, deep. It was darker and raspier than the voice he used when scolding students. This was true anger. "How dare you even suggest that I should leave you." He'd read her thought, but at this point, she didn't have the fight left in her to be upset.

"It's what I deserve," she said. He came forward, grabbing her as he had the night she'd told him what she'd had to do to have him released from Azkaban, gripping her by her upper arms.

"What do you think, that I'm a heartless monster?!" he growled. "You doubt my love for you at every turn and now you think that you're unworthy of my love because you're pregnant and unsure if I want a child?!" She sobbed, not from fear of violence, but from fear of loss. This was as close to striking as Severus would ever come with her. Losing him would be worse. He jerked her to his chest and held her fiercely. "I don't know what to do with you sometimes. People say I must be difficult to be married to, but they have no idea."

"I don't try to be difficult," she said.

"You try too hard not to be," he countered. He held her for several minutes as she clung to him, letting go of the tears she'd been holding in fear of his reaction to her news. "Of course I want this child, if it is mine. Silly girl, you can be so thick. I would have chosen a time when the Dark Lord is not gaining power, but it can't be helped." She felt a warm, overwhelming rush of love for him overcome her. After a few more moments, she pulled back, drying the remains of her tears. "We really need to be going." She grimaced.

"How can I face him now? What if it's his? I can't bare it, Severus, I can't even bare the thought." she said. He took her hand and held it tight.

"We'll know soon and until then, we'll manage. I'll be with you," he said. She nodded, thankful for the reassurance. And with that, they disapparated, reappearing at Malfoy Manor to meet with the other Death Eaters.

Severus sat next to her in the waiting room. Carlisle agreed to examine her and test the unborn child to tell who was it's father. He also agreed to perform the abortion if it wasn't Severus', surprisingly without disapproval.

And now, she and Severus sat in the waiting room of the hospital clinic. She was in one of her normal, muggle outfits. She'd helped him alter his clothing for the occasion. She'd turned the normal gothic black robes into a dark business suit. Still very much his style, but muggle-looking. He was uncomfortable, but sat with her, held her hand even. When they'd sat down, she hadn't reached for his hand, but wrung hers in her lap. He read the worried, nervous thoughts in her mind and knew she needed his reassurance. He reached over and took her hand, and held it in his.

Carlisle did the exam, took the sample from the fetus and set it for comparison to Severus' blood. With a little magical help, he had their answer later that afternoon.

She and Severus sat in his office.

"Lucius is the father," Carlisle said. He delivered the news with the delicacy and grace of a doctor who has had to give such unwelcome news before.

The color drained from Judas' face. Of course he is, she thought. Dreams of a quiet, loving, dark-haired child were replaced by visions of a child with silvery blond hair and a natural flare for vindictiveness.

"I'm very sorry to tell you this," Carlisle said. "Both of you. I know this must be difficult." Judas looked down at her hands in her lap. Silver wedding band on one and the black diamond engagement ring on the other. She loved Severus, dearly. She desperately wanted this child to be his. It seemed that she was doomed to relive her rape, again and again.

"When can I h-have the abortion?" she asked. She lifted her gaze to Carlisle's. "I want to have it as soon as possible."

"I can perform it on Friday morning, first thing," he said. She nodded. "Schedule me."

When they were back in their apartment at Hogwarts, Judas still couldn't bring herself to meet Severus' eyes. She felt helpless and filthy, revolted by the child growing inside her.

"Judas?" Severus called to her. Every other time she'd been embarrassed or ashamed of something, she'd been brave enough to look him in the eyes. When he found out about her feelings for him, when she admitted the rape, when she told him she was pregnant. But not now. She couldn't make herself now. Not while that monster's baby is growing in me, she thought. "Judas, please."

"I can't look at you, Severus. I can't look at myself," she said. He watched her, wishing for the right words. "I'm going to lie down."

He tried to let her lie alone, thinking that was what she really wanted. But he could hear her sobs and sniffles from his study and couldn't bare it. He came into the room with her, crawled onto the bed with her and drew her into his arms. He didn't speak at first, letting her cry, taking a tissue from the box beside the bed and dabbing her cheeks with it. She looked up at him, his black eyes warm and full of concern. No judgement, no irritation or anger, just love and concern.

"Oh, Severus, I'm so ashamed," she covered her face, quaking with the power of her sobs. He pulled her to him and she buried her face against his chest. The feeling of her hot tears and the sound of her remorseful whimpers made him want to tear Lucius apart. He'd always thought muggle-style murder was filthy and animal-like. But his rage over Judas' rape and now Lucius' bastard growing inside her made him thirst for bloodshed.

"I wish I knew what to say, Jude," he said. "I love you. I'll go with you and I'll be right there when you come out. No one will ever have to know. Carlisle can't say anything and I never will. We'll just tell people you were ill and when it's done, we'll put this behind us." He managed to pull her away from his chest. "Look at me." Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from her crying, but they were still the green of the girl who walked into his classroom, completely unexpected, still the shy, soft-spoken woman who refused to listen to him when he'd told her to let him tend to his own burns and saw his Dark Mark and surprised him by staying with him. She'd remained at his side all this time. "I love you, Judas. This is not our undoing. I promise." She trembled.

"How can you be so understanding? I'll have a very hard time even looking at myself in the mirror until after Friday," she said.

"You were raped, Judas, how could I be any other way?" he said. "We're going to get through this." He folded her against his chest and she let herself be comforted. He performed the non-verbal soothing charm, she settled against him, relaxing. "And, once you've healed and we're ready, we can start trying for our own child, if you still want to."

"I can't believe you want children," she said. "They seem to irritate you so sometimes."

"It's different," he said. "It's you. Us. Our child."

"What do you want, boy or girl?"

"Maybe one of each," he said. "A son first, then a daughter."

"They'll look like you," she said.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

"I can see it, in my head. They'll carry your coloring. Except our son," she said. "He'll have my eyes." He smiled, letting himself into her mind. A boy that may look like him, tall and thin, dark haired and hook-nosed, but with her distinct green eyes. But then he thought of a little girl, tall and thin as well, with her mother's long brown hair, smiling up at him with his own black eyes.

"Our daughter will have your hair," he said. But she didn't answer, for she'd fallen asleep.

On Thursday, Judas and Severus attended a Death Eater meeting at Malfoy Manor, where everything fell apart.

"Severus, Judas, I believe a congratulations are in order," Voldemort said. Judas felt the color drain from her face and an acute twist of nausea wrench her insides.

"My lord?" Lucius asked.

"Oh, they haven't told anyone yet, but I can sense it. Judas is with child." Voldemort explained. "We have no secrets among this table, especially among family, right Judas?" She nodded slightly. All three Malfoys, each knowing what Lucius had done to her, could only wonder. Narcissa had the worst feeling, being a woman and knowing how a woman's cycles went, that Judas may very well be carrying her husband's child.

"Th-thank you, my lord," she said. The Dark Lord approached her. He reached out and his cold, spider-like hand touched her stomach, still thin with her new pregnancy.

And before either she or Severus could react, he drew his wand and performed a spell she'd never heard before. She gasped, backing away from him, feeling her insides contract.

"Just a protective spell, dear Judas. Wouldn't want anything to happen to your baby, as it carries the Slytherin line," he said. She felt faint, wondering if he'd just performed a spell that would make an abortion impossible.

"Tell me the truth, Lucius," Narcissa said, her tone warningly stern. "Is that your baby?" He said nothing. He'd had no idea his wife knew about what he'd done... "I'm not stupid. Do you think I don't know where that locket came from?" He swallowed thickly. "Is it your baby?"

"I-I don't know," he said.

"It could be, couldn't it?" she said. When he didn't say anything again, she backed away from him. "And you let the Dark Lord do what he did?! As if you weren't spineless enough, doing what you did like a common male muggle with the hots for a pretty girl! You're disgusting." He cringed, but didn't argue. "I would guess by the look on her face when he performed that protective charm that she and Severus have already confirmed that it's not his child," She said.

"I don't know what to say, Narcissa," he said, his voice weak.

"You're no better than the muggles you so love to hate," she said.

About nine months later, Judas, under Carlisle's care, delivered a baby girl. Over 24 hours after the little girl's birth, she still didn't want anything to do with the child. Narcissa held the infant girl, trying to console her cries, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, Severus could stand it no longer.

"Let me hold her," he said. Narcissa eased the baby into Severus' arms. He looked down at the little girl, no part of her his, and yet, he felt an instant connection to the infant. She immediately calmed, looking up at him.

"How'd you do that?" Narcissa asked, slightly exasperated. He shrugged. He could only guess the little girl was used to his voice. He'd been around Judas throughout her pregnancy, he'd been the first one to hold her and frequently held her since her birth.

She looked, for what he could tell in her newborn features, mostly like her mother. Her eyes were the same distinct green. But the shock of blond hair was not Judas's genes and it certainly was not Severus'.

"She's beautiful," Narcissa said. "Have you thought of any names?"

"Not really," he lied. He had. But getting Jude to talk to him or anyone during her pregnancy had been difficult. Her despair for having to have this child, the direct product of her rape, had killed nearly all the light in her. "We're going to see Judas."

He carried the child to the bedroom where Judas lay, quiet and still as death.

She was sitting up in bed, a blank look of defeat and depression stifled her features, making her appear pale and more aged than she was. She looked up as he entered the room, her eyes widening when she saw him carrying the baby.

"Severus, I don't want to see her," she said, turning away. Ignoring her, he came directly to the bed and sat down next to her.

"Judas, be reasonable, she's just a baby, she doesn't understand what she is," he said. "She needs you." She looked at him, her eyes dark with repressed anger and pain.

"You don't know what you're asking me to do," she said.

"I do know," he said. "I don't like this either. But she's a baby. An innocent child." She ventured a glance at the baby, calm and quiet in his arms. She looked at her little face, the green eyes and neutral features. Judas grimaced.

"Blond," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Like her father. How can you hold her like she's yours?"

"How can you cross your arms and refuse her like she isn't yours?" he returned. She bit the inside of her lip, trying not to cry. "We could raise her like ours, you know. Give her my name, since everyone except us and Narcissa and Lucius don't know she isn't mine. I could love her, I already do a little." She didn't say anything, found that she couldn't.

Later that afternoon, after he'd given up trying to get her to hear reason, Judas could hear the baby crying down the hall. She cried and cried and it seemed no one would come to her. Finally, Judas couldn't take it any longer. She got up, for the first time in days. She followed the sound of the baby's cries until she found the nursery. She stood over the crib for a moment, then carefully picked up the baby and settled her into her arms. She sat in the chair next to the crib and rocked the baby in her arms, quieting and calming her.

"Shhh," she said softly, holding her so carefully.

Severus looked into Judas' room first, not seeing her. He then quickly went to the nursery. There, he found Judas holding her child for the first time. He remained quietly undetected in the doorway for a moment, watching her cradle her baby, looking down at her with something very near love, if it wasn't love already.

"I was looking for you," he said, stepping into the nursery. She looked up at him.

"She was crying," she said. He nodded, kneeling down beside her, looking between her and the child.

"She wanted you," he said. "Narcissa has no luck with her and I have only minimal luck with her. She wanted her mother."

"Lucius hasn't been in here, has he?" she asked, alarmed that if Narcissa had been trying to help, that maybe...

"Narcissa wouldn't allow it and neither would I, not that he would if it were acceptable," he said. She nodded. She looked down at the baby girl and she looked like she was on the verge of finally accepting her situation.

"It'll be hard for us to pass off a blond child as ours, Severus," she said. He smiled a little.

"Your mother was blond, wasn't she?" he asked. She looked at him, her eyes meeting his for the first time in a long time.

"She needs a name," she said. "Any ideas?"

"Eris," he said.

"Eris, goddess of discord, fitting," she said. "Born of discord, not that she's been able to cause any yet herself." He was glad that she wasn't placing blame on the child. "Dahlia. You always say you're doomed to be surrounded by flower-named women." Lily, Judas Rose, he thought. "Eris Dahlia-"

"Snape," he ended. She smiled, looking down at the little girl. "Eris Dahlia Snape." She nodded, looking back up at him.

"I want to go home," she said.

Severus watched his wife slowly begin to accept Eris, holding her, nursing her, even helping convert one of the rooms in Ravenwood Manor into a nursery.

Judas was floored by Severus' unconditional acceptance of the baby girl, truly treating her as his own. He carried her, held her and though he wasn't the cooing type, he did look over her with the love of a proud parent.

"I don't know how you're doing it so easily," she said. "Know she's-"

"She's ours, Judas," he said. "No one else's."

"We can pretend all we want," she said. "But she isn't."

"Why can't you accept her completely?" he asked. "If I can-"

"Don't. Don't go there with me. It's amazing and wonderful that you can accept her as yours, but it's a little different for me," she said, irritated.

"Do you think you're getting back at him by resisting her?" he asked. A great conflict broke out within her. Part of her wanted to scream at him, ask him how he could possibly begin to imagine how conflicted and complicated her feelings for Eris were. Another part of her wanted to admit he was absolutely right, that she knew it wasn't fair to Eris to be so distant. The final part of her wanted to go lay in bed and cry and feel sorry for herself. "Judas, I love you. You've been forced to accommodate a lot. I can appreciate that. It hasn't been easy for me either. I know she isn't truly mine. But, she will never been truly his, either, if we provide her with the love that she could never have growing up in Malfoy Manor." She bit her lip to keep it from quivering. She couldn't find the words to say, so she got up and walked out of the room.

"Jude? Judas?" he called to her. But she couldn't face him. She wanted to scream at him that he didn't understand, knew she was right, and decided instead of arguing, that she would rather let the conflict battle within her rather than between them.


	8. Chapter 8

Severus grabbed her.

"Let go of me," she growled.

"No, I will not," he said. "You're going to hear me."

"I've been hearing you, that's all I've been doing," she said. "You keep harping on it like something you say is going to be the magical key to making me feel better about raising the child of my rape."

"She doesn't know what she is! She's a baby!" he yelled.

"Why do you defend her so? Most men would reject a child they were sure wasn't biologically theirs," she said. "Is this about your poor, pathetic childhood?" He flinched, looking at her in disbelief.

"You have no idea what it's like to be born to parents who don't want you," he said. "We can't all be from doting, rich families, destined to be raised spoiled brats."

"I said, let go of me," she said. He did then.

"I won't have that little girl growing up thinking it's her fault about what Lucius did to you, that love is contingent on how she was brought into this world," he said. "As far as I'm concerned, she's our daughter. And I love her as such."

"You think I don't love her?"

"I think that you come so close, but then you hold back. Why?"

"Look at her!" she screamed. "Pretend and want as we may, she is not your daughter. She is Lucius' daughter! She's blond and I can only hope that's the only trait that carries through to her from him." She broke. "You don't have to look at her and know the pain of how she was created."

"If you think you're the only one who suffers over what he did-"

"Oh please, how could you possibly know the suffering? What he did to me-"

"I've seen it, Judas, remember?"

"You weren't there," she said, her voice a threatening low drawl. "You didn't have to beg, have to lie there under him, enduring it only because it would set you free. He didn't burn his coat of arms into your flesh."

"Are you saying it's my fault, Judas?"

"No, but don't act like you understand what it was like, because you don't," she said. "And then to have to raise the product of something that you've had a hard enough time putting behind you to begin with." She trailed off.

"I'm not saying it's easy, or that you aren't trying hard enough," he said gently.

"Then what are you saying? Because that's all I'm hearing," she said.

She turned then, leaving him alone, again turning her back on him.

Hours later, after she'd laid down on their bed and cried herself into a troubled sleep, she was awakened by the sound of music. A precise, plucking music of a slow, comforting song played from down the hall. She got up and followed the sound to the door of the nursery and peered inside.

Severus was sitting in a rocking chair next to Eris' crib. In the corner, he'd apparently magicked his harp from Spinner's End to Ravenwood Manor, as it sat in the corner, bewitched into playing music on its own.

Severus held Eris to his shoulder, rocking slowly in the chair. For the first time since Eris' birth, Judas looked at Severus, really looked at his face. He looked tired, the circles under his eyes dark and heavy. His eyes were red-rimmed, as if he were both very tired and had gotten emotional. For the first time, she thought of all he must be doing. Not only was he aparating back and forth to Hogwarts to teach, he was still double agent for the Order of the Phoenix to Voldemort's Death Eaters. He was also home every evening, tending to the baby...and arguing with me, she thought. Why now was the full weight of his plight striking her? He's been doing it for weeks. He was beginning to doze when she came into the nursery. She took Eris from his arms carefully, and put the infant into her bed, covering her. She waved her wand, and the volume of the harp decreased to a comforting hum to help Eris sleep.

Severus woke, his eyes heavy. He looked around, disoriented momentarily.

"Come to bed, you're exhausted," she said. He nodded. He reached in the crib and patted Eris on the back very gently before following Judas.

"Tell him, Judas," Lucius said. "Let him see how it really happened." Her eyes filled with tears.

"What does he mean, Jude?" Severus asked. "You let me see what happened."

"What makes you think she couldn't have altered that memory?" Severus looked between them, his eyes narrowing.

"She wouldn't do that," Severus said. He grabbed her arm and they disaparated, reappearing at Ravenwood Manor. "He's wrong, isn't he, Judas?" She was shaking, tears running down her face. "Isn't he?!"

"I don't know!" she said. "He cursed me, Severus. He put the Imperious Curse on me."

"Then what's that memory you showed me, then?" he asked. She was shaking her head, her eyes full of tears.

"The way it felt," she said.

"Show me the way it really was," he said. She looked at him, terrified, her eyes wide.

"Please, understand-"

"Show me!" he growled. She jumped, but held out her hand. And at once, he fell into her mind and watched her memory...

"You want me to help you get Severus out of Azkaban," he said, his gray eyes moving over her body freely, as they were alone in his study. She nodded.

"Please," she said. "Voldemort said you could help me."

"And I will," he said, standing up, coming to her. He stood there, too close. He reached out and touched her cheek, his hand chilled. He toyed with a lock of her hair. "You're so beautiful, Judas," he said, softly, though there was no warmth in his voice. It was slowly becoming clear that, just because Voldemort told him what to do, didn't mean he'd do it without putting his own interests first. "Such a beautiful pureblood witch. Severus is such a lucky man to have you here, pleading for him to be let go. But I wonder just how desperate you are." He grabbed her chin and tilted her head up, making her look at him. "How desperate are you, Judas?" She could feel what he was thinking and it made her want to scream with horror. His hands were on her suddenly, one hand cupping her breast, the other between her legs. She fought him, but she knew it was a losing battle.

"Stop it, please stop," she cried softly.

"I thought you wanted him out, Judas, I thought you wanted your precious Severus out desperately," he taunted her. "Imperio," he breathed. It happened too quick for her to deflect it. Suddenly, Judas felt her body beginning to react to his. Her mind screamed at her to keep fighting him, but she couldn't make herself.

Lucius felt her body relax against him and smiled. He turned her around, her back against his chest. This time, to her horror, instead of squirming when he cupped her breast, she sighed, leaning back into his chest.

"That's my girl," he said, nuzzling her throat. She wanted to scream, but couldn't. He dropped his hands to her skirt and began bunching the fabric up, until her bare ass, save for her panties and stocking garters, was exposed. He slid a hand between her legs. She whimpered as his fingers gently rubbed along the wet line of fabric, stimulating her.

"So wet," he tutted, "Why didn't you say so, Judas? Why did you resist what you clearly, so desperately desire?" His voice in her ear, his hand gently rubbing against her and his curse made it impossible to resist. "Do you want me to fuck you?" He asked, pushing aside her panties. His fingers slipped between the swollen, wet flesh and her hips bucked forward. She closed her eyes and nodded, ashamed. "I thought so," he said. He backed away from her. "Turn around and look at me," he said. She obeyed, leaning back against the desk, as far away from him as she would. "Take off your clothes," he said. Before she realized it, she was undoing the buttons on her sweater and shirt, shrugging them off. She watched his face, his eyes as they roamed freely over her. She unzipped her skirt and stepped out of it. She hesitated, shivering, down to her bra, panties, stockings and garter belt, all of it black, her stockings and garter belt trimmed in lace. He came back to her, lifting her up onto the desk. "How old are you, Judas?"

"30," she said.

"Such a lovely young beauty," he said, fondling her breasts.

"How old are you, Lucius?" she asked.

"41," he said, eyeing her carefully.

He came forward, and her hips automatically spread the width of his hips. His torso pressed to hers and she felt the thick heat of his erection straining against the front of his pants. Lucius reached down, cupping her through her panties, rubbing at her.

"A bitch in heat, my god, I've never quite seen a woman in the state you're in," he said. She knew it was meant to demean her, but she couldn't help but wonder what kind of sex life he and Narcissa had. She and Severus certainly got this way about each other when they made love. He must've sensed her thoughts drift because he tore her panties off. She gasped. "You won't need them," he assured her. She wanted to protest, but couldn't make herself. She felt like a whore, perched on his desk in his study, her clothes at her feet, her panties torn off and discarded, only remaining in her bra and stockings. And, she was disgusted to find, some part of her liked it, wanted more.

He pressed three fingers into her and she gasped again. She wanted to close her legs, to shove him off of her. But instead, her forehead dropped to his shoulder and she indulged in the pleasure as his fingers moved in her, twiddling against her inner walls, then moving back and forth, fucking her.

"Does that feel good, Judas?" he asked. She nodded, wanting to cry. She would rather him have shoved her to the ground and rape her like a muggle. This was worse. She liked sex, and the curse controlled her to his advantage, making her putty in his hands. "You don't have to hate me, Judas, we could be great, you know. Beautiful, pureblood witch, young and willing enough to bear many more heirs, live like a princess, like someone of your breeding deserves." He turned his fingers and stroked her front inner wall in a come-hither motion. And she succumbed the first time, coming hard. "Just think, Malfoy-Slytherin children, all the wealth and good breeding our world can put forth." She shuddered, feeling filthy. "Stay there." He said, withdrawing his fingers, stepping back. He took her clothes and laid them over the back of a chair, then began removing his. He took off his jacket, then his vest, then his shirt. She shuddered, wondering if she was going to have to endure this completely naked with him, like lovers.

"You're a sight, sitting there nearly naked, legs open, face flushed, hair mused," he said, running over her again with his cold gray eyes. He undid his pants, taking them off along with his briefs. He was big. She screamed inside, trying desperately to throw off the curse. He reached down and touched himself. "I'm as ready as you are, beautiful Judas." He came forward again, his erection brushing her thigh, just next to her incredibly willing cunt. He reached behind her and undid her bra, sliding it off, then undoing her garter belt, taking it along with her stockings. He stood to his full height, reaching down to brush her hair from her face. She flinched. "Ahh, wouldn't want that to rub off mid-coitus, would we?" He said. He took his wand from the desk and touched it to her throat. "Imperio," he said again. And just like that, she felt her self control slide away. Her mind remained hers, but her body...

He took his erect cock and positioned himself against her opening.

"Watch, Judas," he said. "I want you to watch." She looked down and he slid into her. It felt so good, an involuntary little moan escaped her lips. Severus had been gone for nearly two months. Before that, they'd been passionate lovers, making love often. Her body craved this coupling, and turned on her, accepting his body so eagerly. I'm not sure where the curse ends and where my desire-, but she wouldn't let herself finish the thought.

"Put your arms around me," he said. She wrapped her arms around his neck, arching into his thrusts. He slid easily back and forth, her cunt was so wet.

He lifted her up, still inside her, and carried her to the settee in front of the fire.

No!, she screamed inside her head, No, this isn't supposed to be comfortable or romantic, he's raping me! He pinned her in the corner of the settee, and began thrusting again, the new angle sinfully delicious. She wanted to hit him, to slap him and shove and kick. But her hands remained encouragingly behind his shoulders, her fingernails digging into his flesh, relishing the power of his thrusts and the pleasurable upheaval he was creating in her.

"Say my name, Judas," he panted.

"L-Lucius," she groaned, hating herself.

"I want you to say it when you come this time," he said. She nodded, but felt sick. Every time he slid home, she wanted to come, was even humping against him now, encouraging him. "I knew you'd warm up to me." He leaned forward, taking her nipple in his mouth, biting down. She whimpered again, writhing. He took her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, gently tugging at them, rolling them back and forth. "Poor thing, can't quite get to your release, can you?" She shook her head, wishing that he would stop teasing her. "Beg."

"No, please, please," she cried. "Let me come, please." He took hold of her hips and turned her with him until she was on top of him, his cock still buried deep within her.

"Fuck me," he said. "I want to watch you fuck me." She held onto the back of the settee for support and began moving up and down on his length, rising up, then sliding back down, impaling herself again and again. He watched, her breasts bouncing and swaying with her movements, her thin waist and trim hips writhing as she repeated her movements. "You're so beautiful." He panted. "I could watch you fuck for hours." She whimpered. "What would you like, sweet Judas, besides your orgasm. You can't have that yet." She groaned in frustration.

"My breasts, play with my breasts again," she said softly, ashamed. He smiled, his hands coming up to her full, swaying breasts. He cupped them, then began tugging and rolling her nipples again. She moaned, rocking back and forth on his cock, trying not to lose her mind completely. When he'd had enough, he turned her back into the corner, beginning to pound into her. "Please, oh please."

"You can come, but say my name when you do," he said. He fucked her, hard and fast now, willing her to come. And she did, the burst of pleasure beginning where he was stroking within her and spiraling outward along her nerve-endings. She raked her fingernails up his back.

"Lucius!" she cried out, clinging to him, humping against him. And suddenly, he couldn't take it any longer either. He let himself come, pounding her cunt until he at last met with his own release. She felt him come in her, but was to blissfully sated to stop him. Her cry echoed in his head.

Severus let go. He couldn't bear anymore.

"Now you see-"

"Don't," he said, backing away from her. "I can't speak to you right now. I'm sorry, I need," he was pale, looked absolutely distraught. Before she could say anything, he disaparated.


	9. Chapter 9

Severus came back, several hours later. He was tired, pale and quiet. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes, let alone speak to him. The shame she felt for him knowing the truth, seeing it as it was recorded in her memory, was nearly worse than living it. Because she loved Severus and she didn't want to lose him.

Finally, that night, after Eris was asleep, after they'd finished their dinner, she spoke to him. She'd barely eaten anything.

"Please say something," she said. "I can't bear this silence." His eyes met hers and she felt a lump rise in her throat.

"I don't know what to say," he said quietly. She felt sick.

"Are you going to leave me?" she asked. He looked up at her, his black eyes fierce.

"Absolutely not," he said. "How could you even suggest that?"

"I figured you hated me," she said. "I hate me." He watched her, and realized he'd finally hit the root of the differences in her between before he'd gone to Azkaban and after he'd come home.

"As hard as that was to watch, I don't hate you," he said. "You were cursed. And it sounds like you were fighting it, but couldn't quite throw it off." Her eyes flooded with tears.

"That's the thing," she said, her voice very small and quiet. "I'm not sure where the curse ended and where I began." She hated admitting it, but a part of her liked it.

"That's what the Imperious Curse does, Jude," he said. "It either makes you completely forget the time period you were under it, or it makes you think you wanted to do what the person who cast it made you do." She rubbed her forehead, her tears spilling forth down her cheeks.

"Now you see why it's so hard for me, with Eris," she said. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"I still love you, Judas," he said. Her eyes, still full of tears, met his.

"I'm so sorry, Severus," she said. She dissolved into a fit of sobs. Severus came to her, kneeling before her. He pulled her down with him, wrapping her tightly in his arms.

"Tell me you love me, I need to hear it," he said.

"I love you," she sobbed, clinging to him. "Only you. I promise."

"I know," he held her tight.

Albus held Eris.

"What do you think, Carlisle?" Albus asked Carlisle.

"I think there's not a lot written on the subject." Carlisle answered. Judas sat in a chair in Dumbledore's office. She'd given a copy of her memory to Albus, with the hope that he could tell them what might befall a child conceived under the Imperius Curse.

"Mostly, the Imperious Curse is used to make people carry out deeds on the scale of murder," he continued. "Love potions are used to commit this sort of rape, not the Imperius Curse. It''s blatant overkill."

Judas remained still, but Severus saw her eyes close at the word rape. Albus and Carlisle knew the truth about Eris' conception and she didn't know how to feel about it yet.

"Isn't Lucius part Veela, as well?" Albus asked Severus.

"I don't know, is he?" Severus asked, looking from Albus to Judas.

"I barely know him at all," Judas said, shame still evident in her voice.

"I believe he is, though he tries to hide it," Albus said. Severus wondered, if Lucius was part Veela, compounded with the Imperious Curse, how Judas maintained control over herself at all. He knew Lucius fancied her in some lecherous way for her breeding and beauty, and wondered how she'd managed to deflect the infamous Veela lure.

"You know, Severus, children conceived under a love potion don't fare well in life, mostly because they eventually find out about their conception," he explained. "It's different for Eris, if you're still committed to raising her as yours and Judas'. You may, one day, tell her the truth, it may become necessary. But, so long as you keep her as yours and love her as her true parents should, then I don't see why she shouldn't develop normally."

"I tend to agree with Carlisle," Albus said. "If she is raised in a loving home, with loving parents who only share the truth of her parentage only if it becomes absolutely necessary, she should grow and develop normally." Severus nodded, looking to Judas. She nodded. Albus settled the baby back into her mother's arms.

"Well, at least we won't have to worry about that so much," he said. She nodded.

"I never even thought of it," she said. "I was so wrapped up in my own supposed suffering, I never thought of her and any ill effects the spell may have on her." She shook her head, angry at herself.

"You were traumatized," he said. "Part Veela." He shook his head. "I guess it's pretty obvious, but I didn't know."

"I knew," she said.

"You said you didn't-"

"I lied," she admitted. "I knew, from the minute we met. We made eye contact and I felt it, the pull they have. I tried to stay away from him after I felt it, but, well, you know."

He apparated the three of them home, having been assured by Albus and Carlisle that it was perfectly safe with skilled wizards and witches.

Judas took the baby and settled her into her crib.

"How did you fight it?" Severus asked when they were alone in their room.

"Fight what?" she asked.

"The Imperius Curse and his Veela magnetism?" he said. "It doesn't seem possible."

"I told you, my father began teaching me very powerful defenses when I was very young, against all types of magic," she said. "I was out of practice in fighting the Unforgivable Curses, but fighting the Veela pull isn't difficult." She looked at him unsteadily.

"I don't blame you for not being able to throw it off, Jude, that's not why I asked," he said. She looked relieved. "I just can't imagine being able to fight both at the same time."

"I'm just glad Eris is going to be ok," she said. "I'm glad you thought to look into it." She looked down at her hands, feeling guilty.

"You can't be perfect, Jude," he said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I wouldn't want you to be." He placed his free hand into hers, taking one hand and squeezing it.


End file.
